10 hilarious anti-Microsoft quotes

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chandru.in

In the zone
1) People say that if you play Apple CD's backwards, you hear satanic things, but that's nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install OS X.
This is by far the whackiest if someone was to ask me.
Seriously manan, you gotta learn to enjoy humor without having "How to defend Microsoft" in your mind 24x7.
 
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ajaybc

Youngling
u fgot this one


At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1) For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2) Every time they painted new lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
3) Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4) Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5) Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6) Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
7) The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8) New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9) The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10) Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11) GM would also require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12) Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13) You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

haha.....great:D
 

pimpom

Cyborg Agent
Those jokes have been around for years, but they're still really funny. There are hundreds of anti-MS and anti-Bill Gates jokes. One of my favourites is the helicopter joke:

A helicopter carrying several passengers was trying to land in Redmond (home of MS), but a thick low-lying fog prevented the pilot from seeing where he was. Moreover, their radio was damaged and fuel was running low. They circled as low as they dared and after a long time, they saw a tall building rising above the fog.

The pilot hovered near the building, took out a piece of paper, scrawled in big letters "Where are we?" and showed it to the people looking out the window of the building. They responded by displaying their own message: "You are in a helicopter".

The desperate passengers swore at the stupidity of those people but the pilot nodded, smiled and headed off confidently, landing at their destination without hesitation.

After landing, the relieved passengers congratulated the pilot on his skill and asked him how he suddenly knew where to land. The pilot smiled and said,"Well, there's only one group of people who give that kind of answer to a question - technically correct but absolutely useless. I knew those people had to be Microsoft employees who wrote the Windows Help file, and the building had to be Microsoft HQ. From there, I knew where to go."
 

krazzy

Techtree Reviewer
Ha ha ha. :p

My favourite =>

Micro$haft $uck$!!!. Winblow$ $uck$. Bill Gate$ is an @$%&!@$!!! iMav, Gx_$aurav are @%&^~!$^%!$!$#&%~$#&*%$!#%$#&!!! OSS ROCKS!!!

:lol:
 

Psychosocial

Violent serenity.
Those jokes have been around for years, but they're still really funny. There are hundreds of anti-MS and anti-Bill Gates jokes. One of my favourites is the helicopter joke:

A helicopter carrying several passengers was trying to land in Redmond (home of MS), but a thick low-lying fog prevented the pilot from seeing where he was. Moreover, their radio was damaged and fuel was running low. They circled as low as they dared and after a long time, they saw a tall building rising above the fog.

The pilot hovered near the building, took out a piece of paper, scrawled in big letters "Where are we?" and showed it to the people looking out the window of the building. They responded by displaying their own message: "You are in a helicopter".

The desperate passengers swore at the stupidity of those people but the pilot nodded, smiled and headed off confidently, landing at their destination without hesitation.

After landing, the relieved passengers congratulated the pilot on his skill and asked him how he suddenly knew where to land. The pilot smiled and said,"Well, there's only one group of people who give that kind of answer to a question - technically correct but absolutely useless. I knew those people had to be Microsoft employees who wrote the Windows Help file, and the building had to be Microsoft HQ. From there, I knew where to go."

lmao :)) :lol:
 

pimpom

Cyborg Agent
I wrote the story from memory, so there will be differences in the exact wording from those you find on the web. It's one of my favourites because, long before I read the joke, I felt exactly the same way the mythical pilot does about Windows Help.
 

jal_desai

In the zone
my grandfather used to tell me "When a mighty Elephant goes out in the market, there are many stray dogs who just simply bark.. unfortunately they just remain dogs and the elephant goes merrily"
 

chandru.in

In the zone
my grandfather used to tell me "When a mighty Elephant goes out in the market, there are many stray dogs who just simply bark.. unfortunately they just remain dogs and the elephant goes merrily"
If you meant Microsoft to be elephant, you have got a really bad comparison here. When an elephant enters the market, it does not trample over all the dogs and cats there. But Microsoft is notorious for such acts. :mad:
 
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