Ten Ten Arsenal Transfer Targets
Posted 09/07/09 16:03
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With the club unwilling to open their red wallet, Arsène Wenger will have to dip into his legendary contacts book to unearth some little-known bargains. Alan Tyers offers a scouting report...
Solomon Djembe
Highly-rated 17-year-old winger at French lower league outfit Etienne De Crecy; no work permit issues as has German passport (stolen from tourist in his native Ghana).
Koko Kolo
Highly-rated 11-year-old winger/attacking midfielder who has taken the French leagues by storm since being smuggled in by a people-trafficking ring. Has EU passport; unfortunately his 'agent' has got it locked in a safe.
Jean Didier-Poopier
Already being talked of as the 'new Thierry Henry', Wenger plans to convert him into a centre-forward, which will be an incredible coaching achievement: Didier-Poopier is a plumber by trade.
Franck Jubberly
Highly-rated, technically-gifted, colossally-greedy French international who has expressed his admiration for Wenger. "For me, it is a huge accolade that Arsenal are interested in me," he says. "Because this means I can charge more money to Manchester City."
Javier Temporario
Brilliant midfielder from Barcelona who is keen to spend time in London and do a bit of sightseeing before agitating for move back home in approximately 18 months.
Leonid Scrawnavin
Highly-rated but desperately injury-prone Ukrainian playmaker who could take the Premier League by storm if he can battle back from twisted knee, ankle problems and malnutrition.
Yaya Egomaniyor
Supremely self-confident French youngster nicknamed 'God' (by himself); has already refused to turn up for training at Arsenal until he is given parity with club's top earners, despite not having signed for the club yet.
Arjen van der Winky
Excitable Dutch talent who is all set to join the club once his current deal expires (and he is released from Rotterdam prison). Some concern that seven-month stretch for exposing himself on crowded tram may have blunted his scoring edge. One to watch.
Jack Tibbs
Exciting young English talent already tipped for a great career at Crewe once Arsenal sell him next Tuesday.
Gigi Minci
Talented but brittle Moroccan midfielder who can turn a game, or an ankle, at any moment. Some concern that he might be too lightweight for English football: he was recently beaten up in a nail-bar brawl by Lebanese pop flouncer Mika.
Alan Tyers
When not helping Arsene go scouting for boys, Alan sometimes writes about music for *www.djteesmag.com/july09/index.asp
