- Status
DarkDante
Journeyman
Ques:wht do u call a music channel widout ny presenters,vjs etc...
Ans:EMPTY-v!
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Posted again:
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can we post some 'ahem' jokes?
Ques:a monkey was given a banana,why did'nt it eat it?
ANs:bcoz d banana was made of plastic
Ques:a monkey was given a REAL banana,why didnt it eat it?
Ans:bcoz now d MONKEY was plastic
Ques:hw do you put a elephant into d fridge in 3 steps?
Ans:Simple
1)open d door
2)put in d elephant
3)close d dore!
Ans:EMPTY-v!
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Posted again:
-----------------------------------------
can we post some 'ahem' jokes?
Ques:a monkey was given a banana,why did'nt it eat it?
ANs:bcoz d banana was made of plastic
Ques:a monkey was given a REAL banana,why didnt it eat it?
Ans:bcoz now d MONKEY was plastic
Ques:hw do you put a elephant into d fridge in 3 steps?
Ans:Simple
1)open d door
2)put in d elephant
3)close d dore!
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DarkDante
Journeyman
how do you put a GIRAFFE into d fridge in 4 steps?
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.
.
1)open d dore
2)take elephant out
3)put giraffe in
4)close d dore!
Ques:dere was a meeting of animals...who was missing?
Ans:d giraffe!he was still in d fridge!
Ques:deres a lake which is home of crocs how dyou cross it?
Ans:by swimming
Ques:but dey will eat u!!hw will u cross?
Ans:deyre at d meeting,doofus!
.
.
.
1)open d dore
2)take elephant out
3)put giraffe in
4)close d dore!
Ques:dere was a meeting of animals...who was missing?
Ans:d giraffe!he was still in d fridge!
Ques:deres a lake which is home of crocs how dyou cross it?
Ans:by swimming
Ques:but dey will eat u!!hw will u cross?
Ans:deyre at d meeting,doofus!
Nithu
I'm in 3D Grafix world!!!
The following questions were actually posed by real-life lawyers and are taken from official court records.
lawyer: What happened then?
person: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
lawyer: Did he kill you?
---------------------------------------------------------
lawyer: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
person: That's me.
lawyer: Were you present when that picture was taken?
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lawyer: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
person: Yes.
lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also?
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lawyer: All you responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go to?
person: Oral.
lawyer: What happened then?
person: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
lawyer: Did he kill you?
---------------------------------------------------------
lawyer: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
person: That's me.
lawyer: Were you present when that picture was taken?
---------------------------------------------------------
lawyer: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
person: Yes.
lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also?
---------------------------------------------------------
lawyer: All you responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go to?
person: Oral.
RaghuKL
Swalpa Adjust Maadi
What did the doctor say to the very nervous midget?
You'll just have to be a little patient!
Q: Who had a double role in movie 'Sholay'?
A: King George
He is on both sides of the coin
Santa runs home yelling : "Pack your bags Honey, I just won the 10 Million Lotto!"
WIFE: Oh dear! Do i pack for Beaches or Mountains???
Santa: "WHO CARES??? JUST PACK AND GET LOST..."
What do u call a cylinder of radius "z" units and height "a" units?
- Pizza!
Proof :- Volume of cylinder= Pi * r * r * h
=>pi*z*z* a
=Pizza
Hence Proved.
Why does not Santa wake up early.. i.e. when the day dawns.. or sun rises.. but
instead get up when the sun is already shining bright...
Because he has realised the fact that.. "dawn ko pakadna mushkil hi nahin.. na mumkin hain.."
After hike in petrol price, Santa was not worried at all.
When Banta asked him the reason, he said: "How does it matter? Earlier I was filling petrol for Rs.100 in my car, now also I'll fill petrol for Rs.100 only !!"
Santa ki sister ko daku utha kar le gaye. Logo ne kaha daaku khatarnaak hai - sister ko bachane khali haath mat jana.
Phir kya??
Santa dhai kilo AAM le gaya.
You'll just have to be a little patient!
Q: Who had a double role in movie 'Sholay'?
A: King George
He is on both sides of the coin
Santa runs home yelling : "Pack your bags Honey, I just won the 10 Million Lotto!"
WIFE: Oh dear! Do i pack for Beaches or Mountains???
Santa: "WHO CARES??? JUST PACK AND GET LOST..."
What do u call a cylinder of radius "z" units and height "a" units?
- Pizza!
Proof :- Volume of cylinder= Pi * r * r * h
=>pi*z*z* a
=Pizza
Hence Proved.
Why does not Santa wake up early.. i.e. when the day dawns.. or sun rises.. but
instead get up when the sun is already shining bright...
Because he has realised the fact that.. "dawn ko pakadna mushkil hi nahin.. na mumkin hain.."
After hike in petrol price, Santa was not worried at all.
When Banta asked him the reason, he said: "How does it matter? Earlier I was filling petrol for Rs.100 in my car, now also I'll fill petrol for Rs.100 only !!"
Santa ki sister ko daku utha kar le gaye. Logo ne kaha daaku khatarnaak hai - sister ko bachane khali haath mat jana.
Phir kya??
Santa dhai kilo AAM le gaya.
static_x
In the zone
Who is "JO"??
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Kambakht Ishq!!!
(remember kambhakht ishq hai JO...)
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What's the name of Sardar who has only one hair?
Iqbal Singh...
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Whats the name of the Sardar who lives under water??
Jal-andar Singh!!!
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Whats the name of the sardar who lives under water and breathes too??
Jal-andar Singh "Gill"!!!!
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2 friends Jo & Wo were going thru jungle. Jo sighted a snake and suddenly Wo died...Why?
JO dar gaya WO mar gaya
!!!
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kambakht Ishq!!!
(remember kambhakht ishq hai JO...)
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What's the name of Sardar who has only one hair?
Iqbal Singh...
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Whats the name of the Sardar who lives under water??
Jal-andar Singh!!!
------------------------------------------------
Whats the name of the sardar who lives under water and breathes too??
Jal-andar Singh "Gill"!!!!
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2 friends Jo & Wo were going thru jungle. Jo sighted a snake and suddenly Wo died...Why?
JO dar gaya WO mar gaya
!!!
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RaghuKL
Swalpa Adjust Maadi
An elephant was in love with a she-elephant. But the she-elephant
went and got married to some other elephant. So our elephant was
very depressed. One of his friends felt sorry for him, and took him
to a park to cheer him up. In the park, they sat on a see-saw, but
the see-saw broke. Now, which song would our hero sing?
"See-saw ho ya dil ho, aakhir toot jaata hai."
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Another VERY POOR JOKE
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The headman of a big tribe had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a boy who was a poor person. When the people of
the tribe came to know about their love, they did not like it at all,and so began to protest about it. Now it happened that
the two lovers left their homes for a happy future.
The people of the tribe started searching for the two lovers but they could not find them. At last,they accepted their
love and asked them in a newspaper to come back.The people said that if u both come back we will marry u, we accept that u
loved each other truly. So in this way their love won and the age old attitude of the tribe took a beating.The couple went
to the city for shopping for the wedding. He was wearing a white traditional dress,and was crossing the road when a car
came and hit him and he died on the spot.
The girl lost her senses. After a long time she recovered and accepted that her love has died. One night she was sleeping
in her home with her family. Her mother had dream in which she saw a fairy. That fairy asked her mother to wash the blood
spots of the guy from her daughter's clothes as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream. Next night the father
saw the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up and told her
mother about the dream.Her mother asked her to wash the clothes on which there were blood spots.She washed the spots but some
remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the spots but some still remained. Next night she again
had the same dream and this time that fairy gave her last warning to wash the blood spots, else something terrible will
happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the spots, the clothes tore, but some spots still remained. In the
evening on same day when she was alone, someone knocked the door, when she opened the door she saw the fairy at the door. She
got very scared and fainted. The fairy woke her up..., and gave her an object, That awe-struck girl asked "what is this..?
to which
the fairy replied : ......"kaise bhi daag ho, jaise bhi daag ho........ Surf Excel hai na..."
went and got married to some other elephant. So our elephant was
very depressed. One of his friends felt sorry for him, and took him
to a park to cheer him up. In the park, they sat on a see-saw, but
the see-saw broke. Now, which song would our hero sing?
"See-saw ho ya dil ho, aakhir toot jaata hai."
-----------------------------------------
Another VERY POOR JOKE
-----------------------------------------
The headman of a big tribe had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a boy who was a poor person. When the people of
the tribe came to know about their love, they did not like it at all,and so began to protest about it. Now it happened that
the two lovers left their homes for a happy future.
The people of the tribe started searching for the two lovers but they could not find them. At last,they accepted their
love and asked them in a newspaper to come back.The people said that if u both come back we will marry u, we accept that u
loved each other truly. So in this way their love won and the age old attitude of the tribe took a beating.The couple went
to the city for shopping for the wedding. He was wearing a white traditional dress,and was crossing the road when a car
came and hit him and he died on the spot.
The girl lost her senses. After a long time she recovered and accepted that her love has died. One night she was sleeping
in her home with her family. Her mother had dream in which she saw a fairy. That fairy asked her mother to wash the blood
spots of the guy from her daughter's clothes as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream. Next night the father
saw the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up and told her
mother about the dream.Her mother asked her to wash the clothes on which there were blood spots.She washed the spots but some
remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the spots but some still remained. Next night she again
had the same dream and this time that fairy gave her last warning to wash the blood spots, else something terrible will
happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the spots, the clothes tore, but some spots still remained. In the
evening on same day when she was alone, someone knocked the door, when she opened the door she saw the fairy at the door. She
got very scared and fainted. The fairy woke her up..., and gave her an object, That awe-struck girl asked "what is this..?
to which
the fairy replied : ......"kaise bhi daag ho, jaise bhi daag ho........ Surf Excel hai na..."
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RaghuKL
Swalpa Adjust Maadi
A wise old man who was a judge, was asked to settle a dispute between two brothers about the fair division of a large estate
left them by their father.
"Let one brother divide the estate," said the judge," and let the other brother have the first choice in choosing his share."
. A GROUP OF ELEPHANTS WERE SITTING ON THE STREET, A BEAUTIFUL N SLIM FEMALE
ELEPHANT PASSED BY. WAT DOES DE LOAFER ELEPHANT SAYS ????
WOW .......3600...2400...3600 !!!!!!!
what is the vector form of sridevi????
???
?
?
?
?
(u must have studied vector algebra to know its answer)
ANS : – TABU!!!!
sridevi did chandni and tabu did chandni bar!!!!
left them by their father.
"Let one brother divide the estate," said the judge," and let the other brother have the first choice in choosing his share."
. A GROUP OF ELEPHANTS WERE SITTING ON THE STREET, A BEAUTIFUL N SLIM FEMALE
ELEPHANT PASSED BY. WAT DOES DE LOAFER ELEPHANT SAYS ????
WOW .......3600...2400...3600 !!!!!!!
what is the vector form of sridevi????
???
?
?
?
?
(u must have studied vector algebra to know its answer)
ANS : – TABU!!!!
sridevi did chandni and tabu did chandni bar!!!!
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DarkDante
Journeyman
Wat age was ranbir kapoor in da film"azab prem ki ghazab kahani"?
12.
u Asking how?
well,he did sing"TERA hone laga hoon"
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There were 3 cocks(male chickens)
One was normal,Second was abnormal and d third was G@y
On sunrise,First one said"Cock -a-Doodle-Doo"
Second one said"Doodle-a-Cock-oo"
and Third one said...
"Any cock will do!!!!"
12.
u Asking how?
well,he did sing"TERA hone laga hoon"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There were 3 cocks(male chickens)
One was normal,Second was abnormal and d third was G@y
On sunrise,First one said"Cock -a-Doodle-Doo"
Second one said"Doodle-a-Cock-oo"
and Third one said...
"Any cock will do!!!!"
Krazzy Warrior
"Aal Izz Well"
RaghuKL
Swalpa Adjust Maadi
why Akshay Kumar’s wife can never be a superstar???
Coz Twinkle Twinkle Little Star..!
=====
Another one
=====
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
"Robin, get in the car."
A man had six fingers.........people used to call him hanuman.....why???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.because his name was hanuman...........
Santa went to Banta's shop to buy a parachute.
Santa: I hope your parachutes always open.
Banta: Well, no one has ever complained of our parachute not opening.
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sardars had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sardar community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sardar community. If the Sardar won, the Sardars could stay. If the Pope won, the Sardars would leave.
The Sardars realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged man named Santa Singh to represent them. Santa Singh asked for one condition to be added to the debate. To make it more interesting, the debate was to be conducted using sign language and neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Santa Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Santa Singh looked back at him and raised one finger.
The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Santa Singh pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Santa Singh pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sardars can stay. " An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Sardar community had crowded around Santa Singh. "What happened ?" they asked. "Well", said Santa Singh, "First he said to me that the Sardars had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sardars. I let him know that we were staying right here." "And then?", asked the crowd. "I don't know," said Santa Singh, "He took out his lunch and I took out mine".
PS. NO OFFENCE MEANT TO ANY SARDARS.
One day, a boy, rose in a computer-professional Info. Tech. family, asks
his Dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
His Dad thinks for a while, sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one
day you would have to find out anyway! "
"Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We entered into a secure folder, where your mother agreed to a download
from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had
used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the Delete button.
Six weeks later, your Mom sent me an instant message saying that her
operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a
self extracting file which had implanted itself in her operating system.
Then, nine months later, a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got
Mail'!"
Coz Twinkle Twinkle Little Star..!
=====
Another one
=====
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
"Robin, get in the car."
A man had six fingers.........people used to call him hanuman.....why???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.because his name was hanuman...........
Santa went to Banta's shop to buy a parachute.
Santa: I hope your parachutes always open.
Banta: Well, no one has ever complained of our parachute not opening.
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sardars had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sardar community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sardar community. If the Sardar won, the Sardars could stay. If the Pope won, the Sardars would leave.
The Sardars realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged man named Santa Singh to represent them. Santa Singh asked for one condition to be added to the debate. To make it more interesting, the debate was to be conducted using sign language and neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Santa Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Santa Singh looked back at him and raised one finger.
The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Santa Singh pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Santa Singh pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sardars can stay. " An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Sardar community had crowded around Santa Singh. "What happened ?" they asked. "Well", said Santa Singh, "First he said to me that the Sardars had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sardars. I let him know that we were staying right here." "And then?", asked the crowd. "I don't know," said Santa Singh, "He took out his lunch and I took out mine".
PS. NO OFFENCE MEANT TO ANY SARDARS.
One day, a boy, rose in a computer-professional Info. Tech. family, asks
his Dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
His Dad thinks for a while, sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one
day you would have to find out anyway! "
"Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We entered into a secure folder, where your mother agreed to a download
from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had
used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the Delete button.
Six weeks later, your Mom sent me an instant message saying that her
operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a
self extracting file which had implanted itself in her operating system.
Then, nine months later, a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got
Mail'!"
Last edited:
RaghuKL
Swalpa Adjust Maadi
(Lion) Ajeet Series OF Jokes:
Robert: boss..is saaleh ka kya karen ?
Ajeet:Ise hamlet poison khilado...sochta rahega, to be or not to be !
Peter: Boss, mere teen bacche hue. Unko kya naam doon?
AJIT: Ek ka naam rakhna Peter, doosre ka Repeater, aur teesre ka Cha Ling Chu.
Peter: Par Cha Ling Chu kyoon?
AJIT: Bewakoof, duniya ka har teesra bacchaa Chinese hota hai!
Raabert: Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse jahyahda pasand hein boss?
Ajeet: Ek Mona, Doosra Sona, aur Tisra, Mona ke saath Sona
Scene: Ajeet get's hold of his favourite hero & then directs his chela.
Ajeet: Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara
rang laga do.
Maikal: Lekin kyon baas?
Ajeet: Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan aayegi to ise
range haathon pakad legi. he he he....
Robert: boss..is saaleh ka kya karen ?
Ajeet:Ise hamlet poison khilado...sochta rahega, to be or not to be !
Peter: Boss, mere teen bacche hue. Unko kya naam doon?
AJIT: Ek ka naam rakhna Peter, doosre ka Repeater, aur teesre ka Cha Ling Chu.
Peter: Par Cha Ling Chu kyoon?
AJIT: Bewakoof, duniya ka har teesra bacchaa Chinese hota hai!
Raabert: Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse jahyahda pasand hein boss?
Ajeet: Ek Mona, Doosra Sona, aur Tisra, Mona ke saath Sona
Scene: Ajeet get's hold of his favourite hero & then directs his chela.
Ajeet: Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara
rang laga do.
Maikal: Lekin kyon baas?
Ajeet: Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan aayegi to ise
range haathon pakad legi. he he he....
- Status