Share Your Computer Jokes Here

How do you like the jokes in this topic ??


  • Total voters
    240
Status
Not open for further replies.

gary4gar

GaurishSharma.com
*^^All jokes,homour & Extras here^^*

I am creating this thread because i feed up daily seeing 3 or 4 threads of jokes or vedios.i think always in tech forum there shound'nt be more than one thread of his kind.i jokes posted by me here are not made by me.i am just sharing it with you.so lets start off...
======================================
Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet : "What are you searching for?"
Santa :"Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet : "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" Santa : "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World Channel'. How does he know that?"
======================================
on Reservation
I think we should have job reservations in all the fields. I completely
support the PM and all the politicians for promoting this. Let's start the
reservation with our cricket team. We should have 10 percent reservation for
Muslims. 30 percent for OBC, SC/ST like that. Cricket rules should be
modified accordingly. The boundary circle should be reduced for an SC/ST
player. The four hit by an OBC player should be considered as a six and a
six hit by an OBC player should be counted as 8 runs. An OBC player scoring
60 runs should be declared as a century.

We should influence ICC and make rules so that the pace bowlers like Shoaib
Akhtar should not bowl fast balls to our OBC player. Bowlers should bowl
maximum speed of 80 kilometer per hour to an OBC player. Any delivery above
this speed should be made illegal.

Also we should have reservation in Olympics. In the 100 meters race, an OBC
player should be given a gold medal if he runs 80 meters.

There can be reservation in Government jobs also. Let's recruit SC/ST and
OBC pilots for aircrafts which are carrying the ministers and politicians
(that can really help the country...)

Ensure that only SC/ST and OBC doctors do the operations for the ministers
and other politicians. (Another way of saving the country...)

Let's be creative and think of ways and means to guide INDIA forward...
Lets show the world that INDIA is a GREAT country. Let's be proud of being
an INDIAN...

May the good breed of politicians like ARJUN SINGH long live...
=============================================
mods: please make it a sticky
 
Last edited:

Vyasram

The pWnster
Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

yeah, make this a sticky

I'd also recommend a sticky for all those wallpapers/screensavers/funny pictures ppl post in separate threads here

Two good frnds (A n B)start a company, initial success turns into disaster. A cudn't understand what he got wrong. Things got worse and he became a pauper. One day his friend told him "I am the reason for all our losses. I used most of the money to smuggle drugs. Now that truck has been captured and i got no money. A took a pistol and pointed at his own head. B stopped him sayin "Itz not that big, we can work this out". A replied "work this out, no way,after me you're next!" :D

also guyz plz post the source or original contributor's name if the joke isn;t made by u. The above reservation joke was made by Azim Premji
 

thetopcyborg

Journeyman
Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

gary4gar said:
I am creating this thread because i feed up daily seeing 3 or 4 threads of jokes or vedios.i think always in tech forum there shound'nt be more than one thread of his kind.i jokes posted by me here are not made by me.i am just sharing it with you.so lets start off...
======================================
Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet : "What are you searching for?"
Santa :"Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet : "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" Santa : "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World Channel'. How does he know that?"
======================================
on Reservation
I think we should have job reservations in all the fields. I completely
support the PM and all the politicians for promoting this. Let's start the
reservation with our cricket team. We should have 10 percent reservation for
Muslims. 30 percent for OBC, SC/ST like that. Cricket rules should be
modified accordingly. The boundary circle should be reduced for an SC/ST
player. The four hit by an OBC player should be considered as a six and a
six hit by an OBC player should be counted as 8 runs. An OBC player scoring
60 runs should be declared as a century.

We should influence ICC and make rules so that the pace bowlers like Shoaib
Akhtar should not bowl fast balls to our OBC player. Bowlers should bowl
maximum speed of 80 kilometer per hour to an OBC player. Any delivery above
this speed should be made illegal.

Also we should have reservation in Olympics. In the 100 meters race, an OBC
player should be given a gold medal if he runs 80 meters.

There can be reservation in Government jobs also. Let's recruit SC/ST and
OBC pilots for aircrafts which are carrying the ministers and politicians
(that can really help the country...)

Ensure that only SC/ST and OBC doctors do the operations for the ministers
and other politicians. (Another way of saving the country...)

Let's be creative and think of ways and means to guide INDIA forward...
Lets show the world that INDIA is a GREAT country. Let's be proud of being
an INDIAN...

May the good breed of politicians like ARJUN SINGH long live...
=============================================
mods: please make it a sticky
nice joke ;-)
 

maharajadhiraj

In the zone
Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

Hey buddy cut out the non-veg part will ya :D , there are kids in the forum!!!!
 
Last edited:

phatratt

In the zone
Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

haha,nice thread,but pls no non-veg stuff:D jokes only related to computers and technology only would be nice.

here's one
An Internet Geeks Prayer

Help me log-on without fretting
Guide me as i'm internetting
Bless my downloading and uploading
Keep my browser from

exploding.


May my website be protected
Let not my password be rejected
Keep my line always connected
And may all my inputs be accepted.


Please keep my programs alive
And remember to back up my hard drive
And protect my computer from a crashing dive
From a virus that would make it a nesting hive.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Newton 's laws of software. ..

Law 1: Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by manager.


Law

2: The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when deadline force is applied.


Law 3: For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.


Law 4 : Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant!
 
Last edited:

Vyasram

The pWnster
Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

then why that name non-veg stuff , aren't kids supposed to eat fish and eggs and chicken
 

gary4gar

GaurishSharma.com
Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

all Double meaning stuff in my posts deleted.how delete the quote from maharajadhiraj posts.maharajadhiraj pls edit ur post
 

aryayush

Aspiring Novelist
Abort, Retry, Ignore?

Vyasram said:
then why that name non-veg stuff , aren't kids supposed to eat fish and eggs and chicken
Some things just get accepted by everyone without question and become a trend. This is one of those - no logic behind it, whatsoever! :D
Anyway, here is a superb poem:


ABORT, RETRY, IGNORE?

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets.
Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer,
I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store,
Only this and nothing more.

Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing,
Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more.
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token.
"Save!" I said, "You cursed machine! Save my data from before!"
One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more,
Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before.
Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises.
The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more.
Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more,
From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key.
But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before.
Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore,
Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard.
I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore.
Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations,
Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before.
Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before.
Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted.
Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night.
A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core.
The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore.
Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

To this day I do not know, the place to which lost data go.
What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be stored,
Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes?
But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more,
You will one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore,
Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
 

gary4gar

GaurishSharma.com
Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."

Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:- As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny:- He became father only after I was born.
TEACHER:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age? STUDENT:32 yrs.
TEACHER:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.


TEACHER:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age? STUDENT:32 yrs.
TEACHER:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.


Teacher: Paul, what is the chemical formula of Water?
Paul: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
Teacher: What is this?
Paul: Well!! you said it is H2O.
Student (to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it.

Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.

Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?Teacher: "Anoop, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Anoop: "No, Miss."
Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"
Pupil: “Sir, Would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents?”
Teacher: “But your parents don’t have a computer.”
Pupil: “Exactly!”
 

gary4gar

GaurishSharma.com
Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

[Santa Banta]
Once a train was moving on the railway line. Suddenly the train got down from the railway line and started moving into the fields.
The passengers got angry and decided to punish the train driver.
When the train stopped, all the passengers came to the driver and asked:"Why did you take the train off the track into the fields."
Driver: A man came in front and was standing on the railway line.
Passeners: Why did you risk the life of so many passengers in order to save the life of one man.You should have driven the train on that man.
Driver: I was going to do this only but the man ran towards the field.
_____________________________________________
Once Morron entered a cybercafe to check his mails.It was crowded so he had to wait.As he waited he saw a man checking his mails.He stood behind him and watched.The man typed his password and was waiting when morron cried out "Yes yes I know your password.I can read your mails now.
"Surprised the man asked "Oh yeah, tell me what is it".
Morron replied " Five stars."
___________________________________________________-
Why did Santa Singh took 18 sardars to watch a movie?
Because under 18 was not allowed!
___________________________________________________
Banta: “My grandfather’s watch fell into a well and when it was found after 30 years, it was still keeping correct time”
Santa: What is so great about it? Once my grandfather fell into a well, and after thirty years when he was taken out, he was still alive.”
Banta: “How can it be possible? What was he doing in the well for thirty years?”
Santa: “He was winding your grandfather’s wrist-watch.”
__________________________________________________________________
Santa was was on his death bed. Santa: Where is my wife?
Santa's Wife: I am here.
Santa: Where are my sons?
Santa's Sons: We are here. Dad!
Santa: Where is Banta?
Banta: I am also here.
Santa: Then! who is at the shop.
________________________________________________________

Santa:What should we do? The water level has risen above the danger mark.
Banta:Raise the danger level mark up by a few meters.

_________________________________________________________
How will a sardarji climb a tree?
He'll stand on a corn and wait for it 2 grow
_____________________________________________________________

Once Banta went to meet Santa.
Banta:When do U get up after a nice nap.
Santa:As soon as the sun's rays enter my room through the window Banta: Don't u find it too early.
Santa:No my window is towards the west, not towards the east.
________________________________________________________________

SANTA & BANTA WERE GOOD FRIENDS.THEY BOTH LOVED CRICKET.THEY BOTH DECIDED THAT WHO EVER DIES FIRST WILL COME IN THE OTHER'S DREAM & TALK ABOUT CRICKET.BANTA DIED FIRST.
SO BANTA CAME IN SANTA'S DREAM AND TALKED ABOUT CRICKET.SO SANTA ASKED BANTA THAT HOW IS CRICKET IN HEAVEN?
BANTA SAID"IN HEAVEN CRICKET IS VERY FAMOUS".
THE NEXT DAY BANTA AGAIN CAME.HE TOLD SANTA THAT HE HAS ONE GOODNEWS & ONE BAD NEWS.SANTA FIRST ASKED THE GOODNEWS.
BANTA SAID"THE GOODNEWS IS THAT THERE IS A MATCH IN HEAVEN TOMORROW & I'AM THE OPENING BATSMAN".
THEN SANTA ASKED THE BAD NEWS & BANTA SAID "THE BAD NEWS IS THAT YOU ARE THE OPENING BOWLER IN THAT MATCH!!!".
____________________________________________________________________

Once two friends were boasting about themselves. Santa Singh:Once my granfather's wrist- watch fell in the well.When it was taken out after thirty years it was still running.
Banta Singh:So what's great about it!Once my grandfather himself fell into the well.When he taken out afer thirty years he was still alive.
Santa Singh:How can it be possible. What was he doing in the well for thirty years?
Banta Singh:Why not! He was winding your granfather's wrist-watch.
__________________________________________________________________

Once Santa Singh and some other country scientists came for launching a rocket.They started the counting 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 go!The rocket was still there.They tried it 3,4 times.
Then Santa said"Wait I'll try"
He climed up the rocket,first tilted to left,then to the right.He climed down,and then asked them to count.They started 10 9 8......go!The rocket went.
Everybody asked "How did u do it''.
Santa replied"In our country we start our bajaj scooter like that only...
_______________________________________________________________

Q:What is difference between a donkey and a sardar?
A:Only this a donkey has a tail.
________________________________________________________________

One day Santa told Banta that Hindustan & Bharat are on war.
Banta replied but we live in India
______________________________________________

ONE DAY SANTA WAS CRYING. BANTA ASKED HIM WHY ARE YOU CRYING . HE ANSWERED I HAVE ONLY ONE BROTHER & BUT MY SISTER HAS TWO

___________________________________________________

GUys pls contribute
MOds Make it sticky
 

Apollo

"Technologic"
Staff member
Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

Don't mess with a chicken!

Bear says: "If I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."

Lion says: "If I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me."

Says the chicken: "Big deal I only have to cough, and the entire planet sh*ts itself."
 

gary4gar

GaurishSharma.com
Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

thanx for response.lets make this thread a succes by dailly updating it
 

gary4gar

GaurishSharma.com
Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

Customer : I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer : Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and
all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

_________________________________
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer : A white one...
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer : Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support : Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer : Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support : That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer : No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on
my desk... sorry....
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Male customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
Gates, damn it!
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try,
it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in
front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer : I have problems printing in red...
Tech support : Do you have a color printer?
Customer : Aaaah....................thank you.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer : A teddy bear my boyfriend bought fo r me in the supermarket.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer : My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer : No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer : OK
Tech support: : Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer : Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?
Customer : Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter
V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer : Is that 7 in capital letters?
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer : I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support : Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer : Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support : Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer : Five stars.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer : Netscape.
Tech support : That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer : Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer : I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : How may I help you?
Customer : I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support : OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer : Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the
circle around it?
__________________________________________________ ____________________
A woman customer called the IBM help desk with a problem with her IBM Infoprint printer.

Tech support : Are you running it under windows?
Customer : "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The
man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and
his printer is working fine."
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the
screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program
Manager."
Customer : I don't have a P.
Tech support : On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer : What do you mean?
Tech support : "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer : I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
__________________

Thats all for today
 

gary4gar

GaurishSharma.com
Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no, no!", said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"







GIRL;Sir,could you please take my brother home because he is lost.
POLICEMAN:Why?Can't you take him home yourself.
GIRL:Because I'm lost too.


Once when the Pope is visiting U.S.A, he suddenly feels like driving the car.
He says to his driver,"I would like to drive the car for today".
But the driver says,"You don't have a licence sir & You don't know how to drive".
Pope says,"You have to obey me or else you will have to go to prison".
The poor driver had to give the wheel to him. The pope drove like a manic since he didn't know how to drive a car. A Police Officer seeing this signaled to stop the car. Pope stoped the car after his driver told him that the Police Officer singnaled him to stop. When the Police Officer came to the driver's window, he stared at the Pope for a moment and looked at the passenger's seat and started staring at the driver. Then he took out his walkie-talkie and called the President and said,"Sir,We have a Very Important Person here. I don't know him but Pope is his driver."


Burgler enters a policeman's house to steal. The wife wakes up and shakes her husband to wake up.
Wife: Look a burgler has come in our house. Catch him and take him to police station.
Husband: Dear, I am not on duty. Sleep now and I will take care of it in the morning.




There were three friends, Mad, Nobody and Somebody. One day, Somebody fought with Nobody and killed him. At once Mad called the police and said,"Somebody killed Nobody." The police asked him,"Are you mad?" and Mad said,"How did you guess?."



Lady:"i am in the middle of the road, can you tell me how to get to the hospital".
policeman:" just stay where you are and then you will get there anyway".




Policeman(to the watchman): Where were you when the labourer was kidnapped.
Watchman: I was on duty
Policeman: Then why didn't you try to save him.
Watchman: Sir, my duty is to keep watch on the building & not on the men of the building




Policeman:Stop, stop ,your headlights are not working
The Man:Move, move ,even the brakes are not moving




Q)Why is our Delhe Police considered most efficient?
Ans)Because they can tell about a robbery two days in advance.




Police:[to robber]Are you not ashamed?You come to jail so often?
Robber:[to police]Why should I be sir.You also come here everyday.
 

MegaD3th3K

Broken In
Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

u might have heard these non-tech related jokes already. but anyway...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
an american and an idian archaelogist were discussing abt their country's technological progress. the american said, "during one of our recent excavations, we found copper wires which clearly indicates tht we had telephones for a long time in america!". Not to be outdone, the indian replied "during our excavations, we found nothing which proves tht we had wireless technology for a long time!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
an american, a german and a sardar were standing in front of a mirror. the mirror was rumoured to have magical powers. anyone who said a lie would get sucked into it. the german says "I think i am the smartest guy in the world!". WHOOOSH. he was sucked in. next it was the americans turn. he says "I think i am the most handsome man in the .......". before he could complete, WHOOOOSH, he too was sucked in! Not deterred by the misfortune of his partners, the sardar proudly says "I think ................................" WHOOOOOOOOOOOSH.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
for guys who dont know hindi, a duck is called BATAK
manmohan singh and president bush were visiting Queen Elizabeth. they were asked to wait in the garden for her royal highness. the garden had a large pond right in the middle and there were many ducks swimming in it. when the queen finally arrived, president bush greeted her "ur majesty u look very $3xy today!". not to be outdone, manmohan singh tells her "ur machesthee, ur bataks are very beautiful!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
go here for some tech related jokes:*www.rinkworks.com/stupid/
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
a few examples from rinkworks:
I burned a CD with some multimedia stuff on it for a friend of a friend. He couldn't get them working, because, it turned out, he had a 486 with 8 megs of RAM.
Him: "How come they don't work?"
Me: "You need a new motherboard, CPU, case, power supply, lots more RAM, and maybe a new video card."
Him: "Can you download them for me?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: "I'd like to buy 2.5 gigabyte hard disk for my 286."
The machine didn't even have an IDE controller, so I had to explain there was no way he could get the disk.
Customer: "OK, I'LL GET IT FROM SOMEONE ELSE THEN!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am the tech consultant for a computer repair company, but we also sell computers. Once, I had a teen walk in and say he wanted a gaming PC. I asked what kind of games he wanted to play.
Him: "Maybe I could get an Apple II to play Halo -- that's going to be about $20, right?"
I laughed and said that an Apple II wasn't going to cut it and that a PC that Halo could run on would run about $600. It wasn't what he wanted to hear.
Him: "Ok, how about a 50 megabyte hard drive, to make my other computer run faster?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I went with a friend to help him shop for a computer. Looking through the different varieties, he said, "I don't think I can afford one of these big ones [desktop machines]. I think I'll have to go with one of these little ones [laptops]."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A while back, a friend of mine and I were discussing his new computer when he made a comparison to another friend's computer and said, "I know mine's better because it's bigger." I had a hard time not laughing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: "Do I need a monitor? I have everything else."
Tech Support: "Yes, ma'am."
Customer: "Why? That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of."
 

gary4gar

GaurishSharma.com
Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

Once two morons got fed up with the Indian Government and decided to blow up the parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off.
On the way one moron asks the other, "What will happen if the bombs blast off now."
The other says, "Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"




Two morons walked towards each other on a country road. One carried a bag over his shoulder.
"What's in the bag?", said one moron
"Chickens", was the reply.
"If I guess their number correctly, how many can I have?"
"You can have both of them."
"OK," said the first moron, "Five."



Binny: "What happened to John, his nose was all swollen this morning?"
Pratik: "He tried to smell a brose."
Binny: "You mean a rose? There is no 'b' in a rose."
Binny: "There was a 'b' (bee) in this one."




moron1:Why can't we see the Sun at night?
moron2: Because it is too dark.




One evening, Ramesh and Mohan met in a garden. Suddenly Ramesh saw something that astonished him
Ramesh: That’s a strange pair of socks you are wearing- one green and one blue!
Mohan: That’s funny. I’ve got another pair just like this at home.




Rohan and Mohan got up on a double-decker bus. After a short while, frightened Rohan came down from the upper deck.
Conductor: Why did you come down?
Rohan: There is no driver in that bus.




There were 2 morons and each had a horse. They decided to put the horses in a shed for one month while they went on vacation.
One guy asked the other guy "How they were going to tell which one belonged to whom?"
After many long hours of thinking they finally came up with a solution.
They would shave the mane of one. That one belonged to the 1st farmer. So, they put the horses in the shed and left. When they came back the mane had grown back. They asked each other which belonged to whom.
Then the 1st farmer said, "OK I will take the black one you take the white one."




Did you hear about the idiot who made his chickens drink boiling water?
He thought they would lay hard boiled eggs.




Q:Which coat can you can put on wet?
A:A coat of paint




POOJA:WHAT NATIONALITY ARE YOU?
GLORY:MY FATHER IS FROM ICELAND AND MY MOTHER IS FROM CUBA.
POOJA:SO YOU ARE AN ICECUBE?




Customer:I like the material of the shirt but I did not like the shade
Shopkeeper:Don't worry sir ,after one wash it will dissappear.




Once a moron was going on a walk when he saw an ant. He hated ants and was about to stamp it.
Seeing this, the ant begged him not to stamp it today as it was it's birthday. Hearing this the moron picked the ant and said,"ok, let's celebrate your birthday.
I'll sing and you dance. The moron then started clapping and singing, "Happy Birthday to you!..." and killed the ant while doing so




FIRST MORON:I AM THE KING OF THIS WORLD.
SECOND MORON:WHO TOLD YOU?
FIRST MORON:GOD TOLD ME.
SECOND MORON: DON'T LIE. I NEVER TOLD YOU SUCH A THING




Once a moron got down at Agra.He thought that it was Delhi and searched for taxies which would take him to the Red Fort. Every taxi driver told him he didn't know the road to the Red Fort. After nearly twelve hours, he met another moron. the first moron asked:"Do you know the road to the Red Fort?"
The second moron asked him:"When did you arrive here?"
The first moron answered:"This morning.Why?"
The Second moron said:"That's a relief!What stupid city this is!I've been here a whole month searching for the Qutubminar!"




A moron asks another: if your dog lost his tail where would you get another one from?
Other moron: from a re-tail shop.:D
_________________________________________________________________


pls give some responses.:(
 

gary4gar

GaurishSharma.com
Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

A man visited a headmaster who was playing chess with his dog.
"Your dog must be very intelligent," said the man.
"Not really," said the headmaster. "I've won three games out of four."




Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
For smoking in bed.




Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.
Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can’t even ride a bicycle




Baby snake to its mother: Are we poisonous?
Mother: Why?
Baby: Because I've just bitten my tongue!




A frog went to an astrologer and was told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog said, “That’s great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?”
“No”, said the astrologer, “Next term—in her biology class.”




First cow: Moo
Second cow: Baa
First cow: What do you mean, baa?
Second cow: I’m learning a foreign Language.




A family of mice were surprised by a big cat.
Father Mouse jumped and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away.
"What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse.
"Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."



Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda.
The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back.
A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, and let’s eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"




What should you do if you find yourself in the same room as Frankenstein, Dracula, a werewolf, a vampire and a coven of witches?
Keep your fingers crossed that it's a fancy dress party.




A snail got mugged by two tortoises. When he went to the police, they questioned him as to what happened.
He said, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"



A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, ''Hey, we have a drink named after you!''
The grasshopper looks surprised and says, ''You have a drink named Steve?''



Witch: "I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someone's ear off!"
Doctor: "Oh dear, that's a lot of calories"



An elephant was walking in a park. With each step he took, he squished many little ants.
Upset, the ants began to crawl up on the elephant -- first his legs and then up all over his body. When the elephant started feeling all the little ants on him, he shook hard, making all the little ants, except for one, fall to the ground.
As the only ant on the elephant hung on close to the elephant's neck, the ones on the ground began to yell, "Strangle him!!! Strangle him!!!"




ELEPHANT WAS ANGRY WITH ANT & WAS SEARCHING HER SUDDENLY HE FOUND THE ANT IN TEMPLE IN THE PLATE OF PRASAD HOW THE ELEPHANT FOUND HER
ANS:- ANT'S SHOES WERE AT THE GATE OF TEMPLE




Teacher:Name an animal found in the desert?
Rahul:Camel.
Teacher: Good,name another animal found in the desert?
Rahul:Another camel

warning:kripya apni fridge lock kar le kyonki abhi abhi pata chala hai ki cheetah bhi peeta hai

Submited By: shubham


What goes 99 clump , 99 clump 99 clump , 99 clump , 99 clump ? Ans:- A centipede with a wooden leg!!!




customer:- How long do you expect me to wait for half chicken?
Waiter:- Until someone else order for the other half. We can't go & kill half a hen!




Why do gorrillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers




A farmer concerned about well-meaning holiday makers feeding his horse. The farmer put a notice that said: Please do not feed cakes and buns to the horse
signed: The farmer.
Shortly afterwards the horse had put a notice that said: Please do not pay attention to the above notice.
signed: The horse




A boy went into a pet_shop and said to the man behind the counter, "Have you got any parrot-seed?"
"Oh.you've got a parrot, have you?" said the man.
"No," said the boy. "But I'd like to grow one!"




Once it was ant's birthday and she was looking beautiful in a lehenga-Chhunni.When the elephant came he took the ant in his hand and clapped and started singing 'Happy birthday to you.....'.But alas the ant died.




Teacher: John name me six animals that live on the snow. John:Three polar bears and three penguins.




Q: What did honey bee say when come back to home? A: "Honey i am home."




Ajay: My dog is very intelligent.
Timmy: How do you know?
Ajay: When I asked him what is 2 - 2 he kept quiet.




John:Name 6 animals which live in the north pole.
Maria:3 polar bears and 3 seals.



What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?
They're both extinct.



Gagan: "A dog bit me on the leg this morning."
Mohit: "Did you put anything on it?"
Gagan: "No, he liked it plain."



Customer: "When I bought this cat, you told me he was good for mice. He doesn't go near them!"
Shopkeeper: "Well, isn't that good for mice?"




How can you tell if two octopus' are lovers ?
They walk arm in arm in arm in arm!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom