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q3_abhi

q3_abhi

Youngling
When Bill Gates was in India, he had a chance 2 listen Ramayana from Atal Behari Vajpayee. After returning 2 US he wrote it in his personal Diary. A Tabloid in US got a copy of his writings. These are excerpts from his diary.
 
Ramayana by Bill Gates...
 
LAN, LAN ago, in the SYSTEM of I/O-dhya, there ruled a PROCESSOR named DOS-rat. Once he EXECUTED a great sacrifice PROGRAM after which his queens gave an OUTPUT of four SUNs--RAM, LSIman, BUG-rat and SED-rughana. RAM the eldest was a MICROCHIP with excellent MEMORY. His brothers, however, were only PERIPHERAL ICs. Once when RAM was only 16MB, he married princess 'C'ta. 12years passed and DOS-rat decided to INSTALL RAM as his successor. However, Queen CIE/CAE(Kayegayee), who was once offered a boon
by DOS-rat for a lifesaving HELP COMMAND, took this opportunity at the instigation of her BIOSed maid (a real plotter), and insisted that her son Bug-rat be INSTALLED and that RAM be CUT-N-PASTED to the forest for 14 years.
 
At this cruel and unexpected demand, a SURGE passed through DOS-rat and he collapsed, power-less. RAM agreed to LOG INTO forest and 'C'ta insisted to LOGIN with him. LSI-man also resolved on LOGGING IN with his brother. The forest was the dwelling of SPARCnakha, the TRAN-SISTOR of RAW-van, PROCESSOR of LAN-ka. Attracted by RAM's stature, she proposed that he should marry her. RAM, politely declined. Perceiving 'C'ta to be the SOURCE CODE of her distress, she hastened to kill her. Weeping, SPARC-nakha fled to LAN-ka ,where RAW-van, moved by TRAN-SISTOR's plight, approached his uncle MAR-icha. MAR-icha REPROGRAMED himself into the form of a golden stag and drew RAM deep into the forest. Finally, tired of chase, RAM shot the deer, which, with his last breath, cried out desperately for LSI-man in RAM's voice. Fooled by this VIRTUAL RAM SOUND, 'C'ta urged LSI-man to his brother's aid. Catching the opportunity ,RAW-van DELINKED 'C'ta from her LIBRARY and changed her ROOT DIRECTORY to LAN-ka.
 
RAM and LSI-man started SEARCHING for the missing 'C'ta all over the
forest. They made friendship with the forest SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR SU-greev and his powerful co-processor Ha-NEUMAN. SU-greev agreed to help RAM. SU-greev ordered his PROGRAMMERS to use powerful 'SEARCH' techniques to FIND the missing 'C'ta. His PROGRAMMERS
SEARCHED all around the INTER-NETworked forests. Many tried to 'EXCITE' the birds and animals not to forget the 'WEBCRAWLERS' (Insects) and tried to 'INFO SEEK. something about 'C'ta. Some of them even shouted'YAA-HOO' but they all ended up with 'NOT OUNDMESSAGES'. Several other SEARCH techniques proved useless. Ha-NEUMAN devised a RISKy TECHNOLOGY and used it to cross the seas at an astonishing CLOCK SPEED. Soon Ha-NEUMAN
DOWNLOADED himself into LAN-ka. After doing some local SEARCH, Ha-NEUMAN found 'C'ta weeping under a TREE STRUCTURE Ha-NEUMAN used a LOGIN ID (ring) to identify himself to 'C'ta. After DECRYPTING THE KEY, 'C'ta believed in him and asked him to send a 'STATUS_OK' MESSAGE to RAM. Meanwhile all the raakshasa BUGS around 'C'tacaptured Ha-NEUMAN and tried to DELETE him using pyro-techniques. But Ha-NEUMAN managed to spread chaos by spreading the VIRUS 'Fire'. Ha-NEUMAN happily pressed ESCAPE from
LAN-ka and conveyed all the STATUSMESSAGES to RAM and SU-greev. RAW-wan decided to take the all-powerful RAM head-on and prepared for the battle. One of the RAW-wan's SUN (son) almost DELETED RAM &LSI-man with a powerful brahma-astra. But Ha-NEUMAN resorted to some ACTIVE-X gradients and REFORMATTED RAM and LSI-man. RAM used the SOURCE CODE secrets of
RAW-wan and once for all wiped out RAW-wan's presence on earth. After the battle, RAM got INSTALLED in I/O-dhya and spreaded his MICROSOFT WORKS and other USER FRIENDLY PROGRAMS to all USERS and every one lived happily ever after.
 
~Phenom~

~Phenom~

The No.1 Stupid
Agreed its a good joke although old one but @ rajas I dont think its that good that u have to post four times the same praise.
 
Quiz_Master

Quiz_Master

* Teh Flirt King *
Yeah a too old one but good.

I got this in a cd which a friend give me.

That CD was full of this types of jokes.
Almost 695 MB of jokes and funny flashes and powerpoint presentation jokes.
 
OP
q3_abhi

q3_abhi

Youngling
I too had it a long while ago but i thought it will b gud for those who havent read it , so i uploaded it here.
 
R

readermaniax

Ambassador of Buzz
Cool insults for immediate use![updated]

Sorry as some of the insults may be repeated

1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

4. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?

5. At least there's one thing good about your body. It isn't as ugly as your face!

6. Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing

7. Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!

8. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.

9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

10. If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents!

11. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

12. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

13. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!

14. Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?

15. Don't think, it may sprain your brain!

16. Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them.

17. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.

18. He has a mind like a steel trap-always closed!

19. You are a man of the world-and you know what sad shape the world is in.

20. He is always lost in thought-it's unfamiliar territory.

21. He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.

22. He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny, it's a miracle!

23. He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?

24. He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

25. He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.

26. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

27. How come you're here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!

28. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

29. How much refund do you expect on your head now that it's empty.

30. How would you like to feel the way you look?

31. Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?

32. I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in the next 10 years?

33. I don't want you to turn the other cheek; it's just as ugly.

34. I don't know who you are, but whatever you are, I'm sure everyone will agree with me.

35. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

36. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

37. I can't seem to remember your name, and please don't help me!

38. I don't even like the people you're trying to imitate, if you are at all.

39. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?

40. I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!

41. I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!

42. I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!

43. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that's very typical of you.

44. Do u practice being this ugly?

*www.pindiplus.com/content/view/179/208/
 
R

readermaniax

Ambassador of Buzz
Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...

Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?

I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.

You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.

You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder

All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.

I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.

You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.

He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe

Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.

If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!

You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.

You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...

I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.

Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!

I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.

Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!

I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'

*www.humorsphere.com/insults/
 
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