Share Your Computer Jokes Here
- Status
readermaniax
Ambassador of Buzz
Hey u know wat/ .... these insults ive posted helped me in makin girl frnds
desertwind
Cyborg Agent
Old, but damn funny.
rajkumar_personal
Ignorance is BLISS !!
HOW ??
Did you insult someone else and show off your English skills ???
Did you insult someone else and show off your English skills ???
jamyang312
Journeyman
that was gr8!
readermaniax
Ambassador of Buzz
ya i did insult some one ....her previous boyfriend ... and takin about showing english ...what is there in english to show off///
readermaniax
Ambassador of Buzz
Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...
Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?
I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.
You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...
Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.
You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder
All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.
I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.
You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.
He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe
Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.
If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!
You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.
You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!
I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?
Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?
Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...
I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.
Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.
I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!
I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.
Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!
I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'
*www.humorsphere.com/insults/
Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?
I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.
You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...
Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.
You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder
All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.
I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.
You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.
He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe
Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.
If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!
You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.
You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!
I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?
Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?
Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...
I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.
Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.
I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!
I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.
Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!
I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'
*www.humorsphere.com/insults/
readermaniax
Ambassador of Buzz
"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."
- Groucho Marx
"His mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through it."
- F. H. Bradley
"The stupid person's idea of a clever person."
- Elizabeth Bowen talking about Aldous Huxley
"Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon."
- Abbie Hoffman
"The only genius with an IQ of 60."
- Gore Vidal talking about Andy Warhol
"A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind"
- Anon.
"Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today"
- Anon.
"Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing"
- Anon.
"Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own"
- Anon.
"He always finds himself lost in thought - it's an unfamiliar territory"
- Anon.
"He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words"
- Anon.
"I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works"
- Anon.
"I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others"
- Anon.
"He does the work of three men: Larry, Curly & Moe"
- Anon.
*www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/laugh/insults/insult2.htm
- Groucho Marx
"His mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through it."
- F. H. Bradley
"The stupid person's idea of a clever person."
- Elizabeth Bowen talking about Aldous Huxley
"Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon."
- Abbie Hoffman
"The only genius with an IQ of 60."
- Gore Vidal talking about Andy Warhol
"A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind"
- Anon.
"Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today"
- Anon.
"Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing"
- Anon.
"Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own"
- Anon.
"He always finds himself lost in thought - it's an unfamiliar territory"
- Anon.
"He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words"
- Anon.
"I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works"
- Anon.
"I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others"
- Anon.
"He does the work of three men: Larry, Curly & Moe"
- Anon.
*www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/laugh/insults/insult2.htm
readermaniax
Ambassador of Buzz
If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.
If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.
Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.
I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!!
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.
People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.
I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.
I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.
I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.
I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
I'm very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.
I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cemen
*www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/laugh/insults/insult13.htm
If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.
Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.
I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!!
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.
People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.
I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.
I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.
I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.
I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
I'm very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.
I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cemen
*www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/laugh/insults/insult13.htm
readermaniax
Ambassador of Buzz
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
I bet your mother has a loud bark!
I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others?
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?
I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.
I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.
I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!
I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!
If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's invulnerable.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M.
Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't.
There is no vaccine against stupidity.
*www.thejokeyard.com/funny_insults/insult_jokes.html
I bet your mother has a loud bark!
I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others?
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?
I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.
I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.
I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!
I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!
If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's invulnerable.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M.
Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't.
There is no vaccine against stupidity.
*www.thejokeyard.com/funny_insults/insult_jokes.html
techno_junkie
Banned
All Tech jokes here
Hello....I am starting this new topic for sharing Jokes related to Computers.
So please include your computer jokes or pranks in this thread...
Dont scold me if tese dont make u smile or if it's a repost...
Hello....I am starting this new topic for sharing Jokes related to Computers.
So please include your computer jokes or pranks in this thread...
Dont scold me if tese dont make u smile or if it's a repost...
techno_junkie
Banned
The Top 11 Entries in Bill Gates' Diary
11. Invited entire tech-support department to play golf. Brought Melissa to complete the foursome.
10. Steve Jobs started work today. The silverware looks great, but he doesn't do windows -- yet.
9. The baby cries constantly. Maybe I'll buy Fisher-Price.
8. Bought my first Macintosh. It's sooooo cute!
7. Good day. Found over 15 bucks' worth of soda cans in the trash bins outside Microsoft headquarters.
6. Bad day. Ellison sent back the heads of two of the three hitmen I hired, along with a note saying he ate the third one whole.
5. Still ahead of Murdoch and Eisner. Yes!
4. Reminder: 35-cent Snapple coupon expires in two days!
3. Memo to self: Next time, when my wife says we need to buy china, she means dishes.
2. Ran into Demi and Bruce. Upped my offer to a billion dollars.
and the Number 1 Entry in Bill Gates' Diary...
1. Seventh day: rested.
11. Invited entire tech-support department to play golf. Brought Melissa to complete the foursome.
10. Steve Jobs started work today. The silverware looks great, but he doesn't do windows -- yet.
9. The baby cries constantly. Maybe I'll buy Fisher-Price.
8. Bought my first Macintosh. It's sooooo cute!
7. Good day. Found over 15 bucks' worth of soda cans in the trash bins outside Microsoft headquarters.
6. Bad day. Ellison sent back the heads of two of the three hitmen I hired, along with a note saying he ate the third one whole.
5. Still ahead of Murdoch and Eisner. Yes!
4. Reminder: 35-cent Snapple coupon expires in two days!
3. Memo to self: Next time, when my wife says we need to buy china, she means dishes.
2. Ran into Demi and Bruce. Upped my offer to a billion dollars.
and the Number 1 Entry in Bill Gates' Diary...
1. Seventh day: rested.
techno_junkie
Banned
Check out these full forms: - PART 1
PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms.
IBM - I Blame Microsoft.
ISDN - It Still Does Nothing.
MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers.
RAM - Rarely Adequate Memory
ROM - Really Old Machine
APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity.
SCSI - System Can't See It.
PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics.
LISP - Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis.
DOS - Defunct Operating System.
PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms.
IBM - I Blame Microsoft.
ISDN - It Still Does Nothing.
MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers.
RAM - Rarely Adequate Memory
ROM - Really Old Machine
APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity.
SCSI - System Can't See It.
PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics.
LISP - Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis.
DOS - Defunct Operating System.
techno_junkie
Banned
The Ten Commandments of DOS
I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates gets a cut of the profits therefrom.
Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking, standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS network, multitask, or display a graphical user interface, for that would be a gross hack .
Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You don't need that much space anyway.
Thy application program and data shall all fit in 640K of RAM. After all, it's ten times what you had on a CP/M machine. Keep holy this 640K of RAM, and clutter it not with device drivers, memory managers, or other things that might make thy computer useful.
Thou shall use the one true slash character to separate thy directory path. Thou shall learn and love this character, even though it appears on no typewriter keyboard, and is unfamiliar. Standardization on where that character is located on a computer keyboard is right out .
Thou shall edit and shuffle the sacred lines of CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT until DOS functions adequately for the likes of you. Giving up in disgust is not allowed.
Know in thy heart that DOS shall always maintain backward compatibility to the holy 2.0 version, blindly ignoring opportunities to become compatible with things created in the latter half of this century. But you can still run WordStar 1.0
Improve thy memory, for thou shall be required to remember that JD031792.LTR is the letter that you wrote to Jane Doe three years ago regarding the tax deductible contribution that you made to her organization. The IRS Auditor shall be impressed by thy memory as he stands over you demanding proof .
Pick carefully the names of thy directories, for renaming them shall be mighty difficult. While you're at it, don't try to relocate branches of the directory tree, either.
Learn well the Vulcan Nerve Pinch (ctrl-alt-del) for it shall be thy saviour on many an occasion. Believe in thy heart that everyone reboots their OS to solve problems that shouldn't occur in the first place.
====================================
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and noticed a slow down in the performance of flower
and jewellry applications that had operated flawlessly
under Boyfriend 5.0
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other
valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed
undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system. I've tried running NAGGING
5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I
do?
Desperate
***************************
[REPLY]
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment
package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and
install Tears 6.2.
Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and
Flowers 7.0.
But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence
2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Television 6.1. Television 6.1 is a very bad program
that will create Loud noises ( WAV files) and does not get deleted.
DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program.
These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Cheerfulness 2.0.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
==================================
Top Ten Reasons Computers Are Male
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shinny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter.
I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates gets a cut of the profits therefrom.
Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking, standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS network, multitask, or display a graphical user interface, for that would be a gross hack .
Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You don't need that much space anyway.
Thy application program and data shall all fit in 640K of RAM. After all, it's ten times what you had on a CP/M machine. Keep holy this 640K of RAM, and clutter it not with device drivers, memory managers, or other things that might make thy computer useful.
Thou shall use the one true slash character to separate thy directory path. Thou shall learn and love this character, even though it appears on no typewriter keyboard, and is unfamiliar. Standardization on where that character is located on a computer keyboard is right out .
Thou shall edit and shuffle the sacred lines of CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT until DOS functions adequately for the likes of you. Giving up in disgust is not allowed.
Know in thy heart that DOS shall always maintain backward compatibility to the holy 2.0 version, blindly ignoring opportunities to become compatible with things created in the latter half of this century. But you can still run WordStar 1.0
Improve thy memory, for thou shall be required to remember that JD031792.LTR is the letter that you wrote to Jane Doe three years ago regarding the tax deductible contribution that you made to her organization. The IRS Auditor shall be impressed by thy memory as he stands over you demanding proof .
Pick carefully the names of thy directories, for renaming them shall be mighty difficult. While you're at it, don't try to relocate branches of the directory tree, either.
Learn well the Vulcan Nerve Pinch (ctrl-alt-del) for it shall be thy saviour on many an occasion. Believe in thy heart that everyone reboots their OS to solve problems that shouldn't occur in the first place.
====================================
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and noticed a slow down in the performance of flower
and jewellry applications that had operated flawlessly
under Boyfriend 5.0
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other
valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed
undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system. I've tried running NAGGING
5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I
do?
Desperate
***************************
[REPLY]
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment
package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and
install Tears 6.2.
Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and
Flowers 7.0.
But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence
2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Television 6.1. Television 6.1 is a very bad program
that will create Loud noises ( WAV files) and does not get deleted.
DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program.
These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Cheerfulness 2.0.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
==================================
Top Ten Reasons Computers Are Male
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shinny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter.
techno_junkie
Banned
You Might Be an ISP if...
you know 56k means 'reliable 33.6' and 33.6 means 'reliable 28.8' and so forth.
you know the win98 setup wizard by heart and can walk a user through it without even interrupting your Quake/MUD/IRC session to do so.
you know where the email settings are in Internet Mail, Outlook Express, Pegasus, Eudora, Netscape Mail, Messenger Mailbox, and you don't use any of those programs for personal use.
you maintain more than four websites and do not have time for a personal web page.
you know all of the following people by reputation and can explain what they've done that is relevant to your world: Steve Case, Linus Torvalds, Eric Allman, Sanford Wallace.
you know what TCP/IP stands for, not to mention DNS, HTTP, SNMP, BGP, OSPF, and DUN. You like acronyms.
you know more ip addresses than phone numbers. Sometimes you just find it easier to type the dotted quad.
you know more phone numbers to modem banks than you know phone numbers to people.
you can name two web browsers other than Netscape or Microsoft's.
you find telnet a helpful daily tool instead of wondering what it is for.
you loathe the dancing baby and other large file attachments sent through email to unsuspecting users who can't pick them up off the server and then have to call and whine that their email doesn't work anymore.
you despise Microsoft FrontPage as a web editing tool and as extensions to your webserver.
you can answer the question 'is the internet broken' without laughing.
you can spot the theme behind the following list: RedHat, SuSE, Debian, Caldera, Slackware.
you can feel the load a server is under without actually checking statistics. It 'just isn't running right' actually makes sense.
you know 56k means 'reliable 33.6' and 33.6 means 'reliable 28.8' and so forth.
you know the win98 setup wizard by heart and can walk a user through it without even interrupting your Quake/MUD/IRC session to do so.
you know where the email settings are in Internet Mail, Outlook Express, Pegasus, Eudora, Netscape Mail, Messenger Mailbox, and you don't use any of those programs for personal use.
you maintain more than four websites and do not have time for a personal web page.
you know all of the following people by reputation and can explain what they've done that is relevant to your world: Steve Case, Linus Torvalds, Eric Allman, Sanford Wallace.
you know what TCP/IP stands for, not to mention DNS, HTTP, SNMP, BGP, OSPF, and DUN. You like acronyms.
you know more ip addresses than phone numbers. Sometimes you just find it easier to type the dotted quad.
you know more phone numbers to modem banks than you know phone numbers to people.
you can name two web browsers other than Netscape or Microsoft's.
you find telnet a helpful daily tool instead of wondering what it is for.
you loathe the dancing baby and other large file attachments sent through email to unsuspecting users who can't pick them up off the server and then have to call and whine that their email doesn't work anymore.
you despise Microsoft FrontPage as a web editing tool and as extensions to your webserver.
you can answer the question 'is the internet broken' without laughing.
you can spot the theme behind the following list: RedHat, SuSE, Debian, Caldera, Slackware.
you can feel the load a server is under without actually checking statistics. It 'just isn't running right' actually makes sense.
techno_junkie
Banned
Top 10 Signs that You've Overdosed on The World Wide Web
Your opening line is: "So, what's your homepage address?"
You see a beautiful sunset, and you half-expect to see "Enhanced for Netscape 4.0" on one of the clouds.
You are overcome with disbelief, anger, and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a Webpage with no links.
You felt driven to consult the "Cool Page of the Day" on your wedding day.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening towards the flimsy guardrail that separates you the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death, and you desperately look for the "Back" button.
You visit "The Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything" again and again and again.
Your dog has his own webpage.
So does your hamster.
When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.
Your opening line is: "So, what's your homepage address?"
You see a beautiful sunset, and you half-expect to see "Enhanced for Netscape 4.0" on one of the clouds.
You are overcome with disbelief, anger, and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a Webpage with no links.
You felt driven to consult the "Cool Page of the Day" on your wedding day.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening towards the flimsy guardrail that separates you the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death, and you desperately look for the "Back" button.
You visit "The Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything" again and again and again.
Your dog has his own webpage.
So does your hamster.
When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.
techno_junkie
Banned
You know you are an Internet Junkie when...
When asked to your address, your answer begins with *
Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.
You chat with your fingers, not your mouth.
You use Netscape 4.72, and you check every week whether version 4.73 was released.
You know the difference between Java and Javascript.
Most of your friends have an @ in their names.
In order to watch CNN you move to www.cnn.com
On your business card the e-mail appears before the phone number.
You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
You can perfectly imitate the sound pattern of your modem connecting to your ISP.
You can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than : -).
You are told about a new program, and you are disappointed to find that it is a TV program.
Not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your network address faster than your postal one.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
When asked to your address, your answer begins with *
Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.
You chat with your fingers, not your mouth.
You use Netscape 4.72, and you check every week whether version 4.73 was released.
You know the difference between Java and Javascript.
Most of your friends have an @ in their names.
In order to watch CNN you move to www.cnn.com
On your business card the e-mail appears before the phone number.
You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
You can perfectly imitate the sound pattern of your modem connecting to your ISP.
You can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than : -).
You are told about a new program, and you are disappointed to find that it is a TV program.
Not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your network address faster than your postal one.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
- Status