navjotjsingh
Wise Old Owl
Thanks...needed more...got bored of exisiting lot! LOL
Share Your Computer Jokes Here
- Status
readermaniax
Ambassador of Buzz
Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
Are your parents siblings?
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.
Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?
Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?
Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!
Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.
Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?
He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed!
He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.
Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!
Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?
How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
I bet your mother has a loud bark!
I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
*www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/laugh/insults/insult8.htm
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
Are your parents siblings?
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.
Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?
Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?
Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!
Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.
Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?
He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed!
He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.
Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!
Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?
How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
I bet your mother has a loud bark!
I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
*www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/laugh/insults/insult8.htm
rajkumar_personal
Ignorance is BLISS !!
Something extremely NEEDED 4 personal arguments !
Thanks a billion mate.
Can I ask you for MORE ???
Thanks a billion mate.
Can I ask you for MORE ???
maharajadhiraj
In the zone
excellent stuff maniax. keep it up. 2 gud
hpotter606
Journeyman
Exellent!!
Will try to use some tomorrow!!
Will try to use some tomorrow!!
vinividivici
Right off the assembly line
how about...
"You have only 2 parents?"
That was no joke.... it's what our bio sir asked one of the guyz in class.. (By mistake!)
"You have only 2 parents?"
That was no joke.... it's what our bio sir asked one of the guyz in class.. (By mistake!)
Orange Juice
Banned
vinividivici said:
HI! THIS I SELF-INSULT
thadhanihemant
Journeyman
that's a really cool thread by maniax
i appreciate u
thankzzzzz alot
i appreciate u
thankzzzzz alot
fnatic@play
Broken In
ROFL!!! funny!!!! n1 man
readermaniax
Ambassador of Buzz
THANX yaar for thecool replys
rajkumar_personal
Ignorance is BLISS !!
Simply A-M-A-Z-I-N-G !
More of that would be very welcome !
We definitely need some laughs to ease our days out !
More of that would be very welcome !
We definitely need some laughs to ease our days out !
mobile_freak_2020
Broken In
Hello World !
How the way people code "Hello World" varies depending on their age and job:
High School/Jr.High
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END
First year in College
program Hello(input, output)
begin
writeln('Hello World')
end.
Senior year in College
(defun hello
(print
(cons 'Hello (list 'World))))
New professional
#include <stdio.h>
void main(void)
{
char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"};
int i;
for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
printf("%s", message);
printf("\n");
}
Seasoned professional
#include <iostream.h>
#include <string.h>
class string
{
private:
int size;
char *ptr;
public:
string() : size(0), ptr(new char('\0')) {}
string(const string &s) : size(s.size)
{
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, s.ptr);
}
~string()
{
delete [] ptr;
}
friend ostream &operator <<(ostream &, const string &);
string &operator=(const char *);
};
ostream &operator<<(ostream &stream, const string &s)
{
return(stream << s.ptr);
}
string &string:
perator=(const char *chrs)
{
if (this != &chrs)
{
delete [] ptr;
size = strlen(chrs);
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, chrs);
}
return(*this);
}
int main()
{
string str;
str = "Hello World";
cout << str << endl;
return(0);
}
System Administrator
#include <stdio.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
main()
{
char *tmp;
int i=0;
/* on y va bourin */
tmp=(char *)malloc(1024*sizeof(char));
while (tmp="Hello Wolrd"[i++]);
/* Ooopps y'a une infusion ! */
i=(int)tmp[8];
tmp[8]=tmp[9];
tmp[9]=(char)i;
printf("%s\n",tmp);
}
Apprentice Hacker
#!/usr/local/bin/perl
$msg="Hello, world.\n";
if ($#ARGV >= 0) {
while(defined($arg=shift(@ARGV))) {
$outfilename = $arg;
open(FILE, ">" . $outfilename) || die "Can't write $arg: $!\n";
print (FILE $msg);
close(FILE) || die "Can't close $arg: $!\n";
}
} else {
print ($msg);
}
1;
Experienced Hacker
#include <stdio.h>
#include <string.h>
#define S "Hello, World\n"
main(){exit(printf(S) == strlen(S) ? 0 : 1);}
Seasoned Hacker
% cc -o a.out ~/src/misc/hw/hw.c
% a.out
Hello, world.
Guru Hacker
% cat
Hello, world.
New Manager (do you remember?)
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END
Middle Manager
mail -s "Hello, world." bob@b12
Bob, could you please write me a program that prints "Hello, world."?
I need it by tomorrow.
^D
Senior Manager
% zmail jim
I need a "Hello, world." program by this afternoon.
Chief Executive
% letter
letter: Command not found.
% mail
To: ^X ^F ^C
% help mail
help: Command not found.
% damn!
!: Event unrecognized
% logout
Research Scientist
PROGRAM HELLO
PRINT *, 'Hello World'
END
Older research Scientist
WRITE (6, 100)
100 FORMAT (1H ,11HHELLO WORLD)
CALL EXIT
END
How the way people code "Hello World" varies depending on their age and job:
High School/Jr.High
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END
First year in College
program Hello(input, output)
begin
writeln('Hello World')
end.
Senior year in College
(defun hello
(cons 'Hello (list 'World))))
New professional
#include <stdio.h>
void main(void)
{
char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"};
int i;
for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
printf("%s", message);
printf("\n");
}
Seasoned professional
#include <iostream.h>
#include <string.h>
class string
{
private:
int size;
char *ptr;
public:
string() : size(0), ptr(new char('\0')) {}
string(const string &s) : size(s.size)
{
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, s.ptr);
}
~string()
{
delete [] ptr;
}
friend ostream &operator <<(ostream &, const string &);
string &operator=(const char *);
};
ostream &operator<<(ostream &stream, const string &s)
{
return(stream << s.ptr);
}
string &string:
perator=(const char *chrs){
if (this != &chrs)
{
delete [] ptr;
size = strlen(chrs);
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, chrs);
}
return(*this);
}
int main()
{
string str;
str = "Hello World";
cout << str << endl;
return(0);
}
System Administrator
#include <stdio.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
main()
{
char *tmp;
int i=0;
/* on y va bourin */
tmp=(char *)malloc(1024*sizeof(char));
while (tmp="Hello Wolrd"[i++]);
/* Ooopps y'a une infusion ! */
i=(int)tmp[8];
tmp[8]=tmp[9];
tmp[9]=(char)i;
printf("%s\n",tmp);
}
Apprentice Hacker
#!/usr/local/bin/perl
$msg="Hello, world.\n";
if ($#ARGV >= 0) {
while(defined($arg=shift(@ARGV))) {
$outfilename = $arg;
open(FILE, ">" . $outfilename) || die "Can't write $arg: $!\n";
print (FILE $msg);
close(FILE) || die "Can't close $arg: $!\n";
}
} else {
print ($msg);
}
1;
Experienced Hacker
#include <stdio.h>
#include <string.h>
#define S "Hello, World\n"
main(){exit(printf(S) == strlen(S) ? 0 : 1);}
Seasoned Hacker
% cc -o a.out ~/src/misc/hw/hw.c
% a.out
Hello, world.
Guru Hacker
% cat
Hello, world.
New Manager (do you remember?)
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END
Middle Manager
mail -s "Hello, world." bob@b12
Bob, could you please write me a program that prints "Hello, world."?
I need it by tomorrow.
^D
Senior Manager
% zmail jim
I need a "Hello, world." program by this afternoon.
Chief Executive
% letter
letter: Command not found.
To: ^X ^F ^C
% help mail
help: Command not found.
% damn!
!: Event unrecognized
% logout
Research Scientist
PROGRAM HELLO
PRINT *, 'Hello World'
END
Older research Scientist
WRITE (6, 100)
100 FORMAT (1H ,11HHELLO WORLD)
CALL EXIT
END
charangk said:
rajkumar_personal
Ignorance is BLISS !!
mobile_freak_2020 said:Hello World !
How the way people code "Hello World" varies depending on their age and job:
High School/Jr.High
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END
First year in College
program Hello(input, output)
begin
writeln('Hello World')
end.
Senior year in College
(defun hello
(cons 'Hello (list 'World))))
New professional
#include <stdio.h>
void main(void)
{
char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"};
int i;
for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
printf("%s", message);
printf("\n");
}
Seasoned professional
#include <iostream.h>
#include <string.h>
class string
{
private:
int size;
char *ptr;
public:
string() : size(0), ptr(new char('\0')) {}
string(const string &s) : size(s.size)
{
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, s.ptr);
}
~string()
{
delete [] ptr;
}
friend ostream &operator <<(ostream &, const string &);
string &operator=(const char *);
};
ostream &operator<<(ostream &stream, const string &s)
{
return(stream << s.ptr);
}
string &string:
{
if (this != &chrs)
{
delete [] ptr;
size = strlen(chrs);
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, chrs);
}
return(*this);
}
int main()
{
string str;
str = "Hello World";
cout << str << endl;
return(0);
}
System Administrator
#include <stdio.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
main()
{
char *tmp;
int i=0;
/* on y va bourin */
tmp=(char *)malloc(1024*sizeof(char));
while (tmp="Hello Wolrd"[i++]);
/* Ooopps y'a une infusion ! */
i=(int)tmp[8];
tmp[8]=tmp[9];
tmp[9]=(char)i;
printf("%s\n",tmp);
}
Apprentice Hacker
#!/usr/local/bin/perl
$msg="Hello, world.\n";
if ($#ARGV >= 0) {
while(defined($arg=shift(@ARGV))) {
$outfilename = $arg;
open(FILE, ">" . $outfilename) || die "Can't write $arg: $!\n";
print (FILE $msg);
close(FILE) || die "Can't close $arg: $!\n";
}
} else {
print ($msg);
}
1;
Experienced Hacker
#include <stdio.h>
#include <string.h>
#define S "Hello, World\n"
main(){exit(printf(S) == strlen(S) ? 0 : 1);}
Seasoned Hacker
% cc -o a.out ~/src/misc/hw/hw.c
% a.out
Hello, world.
Guru Hacker
% cat
Hello, world.
New Manager (do you remember?)
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END
Middle Manager
mail -s "Hello, world." bob@b12
Bob, could you please write me a program that prints "Hello, world."?
I need it by tomorrow.
^D
Senior Manager
% zmail jim
I need a "Hello, world." program by this afternoon.
Chief Executive
% letter
letter: Command not found.
To: ^X ^F ^C
% help mail
help: Command not found.
% damn!
!: Event unrecognized
% logout
Research Scientist
PROGRAM HELLO
PRINT *, 'Hello World'
END
Older research Scientist
WRITE (6, 100)
100 FORMAT (1H ,11HHELLO WORLD)
CALL EXIT
END
charangk said:
Where the hell do you get this kind of stuff ?
A link is sure to enlighten me !
maharajadhiraj
In the zone
hey check out these insults
Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing
Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.
You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.
You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.
I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.
He's so full of shit, his eyes are brown.
This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it . Thank you
Your birthcertificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
I hear you're connected to the Police Department - by a pair of handcuffs...
Everybody has a photographic memory. You simply don't have the film.
Hey check out these insults. Most of them are repeated though.
:roll: :winkPls don't mind the non-veg adult part PLS
No insults intended to any1
Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing
Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.
You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.
You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.
I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.
He's so full of shit, his eyes are brown.
This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it . Thank you
Your birthcertificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
I hear you're connected to the Police Department - by a pair of handcuffs...
Everybody has a photographic memory. You simply don't have the film.
Hey check out these insults. Most of them are repeated though.
:roll: :winkPls don't mind the non-veg adult part PLS No insults intended to any1
readermaniax
Ambassador of Buzz
HEy nice INSULTS yaar ..... but where is the link/
Mr.Cool
Broken In
The Humour Thread
Hello to all.
Welcome to the Humour thread.
Post all your jokes here.
I will start off with :-
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"
Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and Shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The Teacher fainted.
Hello to all.
Welcome to the Humour thread.
Post all your jokes here.
I will start off with :-
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"
Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and Shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The Teacher fainted.
- Status