Share All Your Jokes Here ! [warning: some jokes may not be family friendly]
lywyre
Cyborg Agent
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
Read that one before, but STILL funny
. Thanks.
=====
Famed fictional detective Sherlock Holmes and his gruff assistant Doctor Watson pitch their tent while on a camping expedition, but in the middle of the night Holmes nudges Watson awake and questions him.
HOLMES: Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you deduce.
WATSON: I see millions of stars, and if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it is quite likely there are some planets like earth, and if there are a few planets like earth out there might also be life.
HOLMES: Watson, you idiot! Somebody stole our tent.
Copy the code and paste it in Notepad. Save it as something.html and Open it in your browser.
Read that one before, but STILL funny
. Thanks.=====
Famed fictional detective Sherlock Holmes and his gruff assistant Doctor Watson pitch their tent while on a camping expedition, but in the middle of the night Holmes nudges Watson awake and questions him.
HOLMES: Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you deduce.
WATSON: I see millions of stars, and if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it is quite likely there are some planets like earth, and if there are a few planets like earth out there might also be life.
HOLMES: Watson, you idiot! Somebody stole our tent.
Copy the code and paste it in Notepad. Save it as something.html and Open it in your browser.
Last edited:
trublu
Ta da !
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
That reminds me of our chemistry lab instructor in school.He once said to a guy,"Open the window,let the climate come in."
That reminds me of our chemistry lab instructor in school.He once said to a guy,"Open the window,let the climate come in."
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
Sitting at the bar, sad Rob told the bartender that he was drinking to forget the heartbreak of his broken engagement. “Yeah,” said Rob, “would you marry someone who didn’t know the meaning of the word faithful, and who was flip and even vicious when the subject of fidelity came up?” “ No way in hell” said the bartender.
“Well, said Rob, “neither would my fiancée.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wet suit.
Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you!”
Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here along time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
Man: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man cigarette.
Man: "Oh, thank you so much!"
Girl: "So tell me how long it’s been since you had a drink?"
Man: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.
Man: "Oh, thank you so much. You are like a miracle"! Finally the girl starts to unzip the front of her wet suit and asks the man leadingly, "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around??" The man looked at her and said excitedly: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too??"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sitting at the bar, sad Rob told the bartender that he was drinking to forget the heartbreak of his broken engagement. “Yeah,” said Rob, “would you marry someone who didn’t know the meaning of the word faithful, and who was flip and even vicious when the subject of fidelity came up?” “ No way in hell” said the bartender.
“Well, said Rob, “neither would my fiancée.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wet suit.
Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you!”
Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here along time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
Man: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man cigarette.
Man: "Oh, thank you so much!"
Girl: "So tell me how long it’s been since you had a drink?"
Man: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.
Man: "Oh, thank you so much. You are like a miracle"! Finally the girl starts to unzip the front of her wet suit and asks the man leadingly, "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around??" The man looked at her and said excitedly: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too??"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
OP
MetalheadGautham
AFK
P
paranj
Guest
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
lol what a fool he might be
roflz
lol what a fool he might be
roflz
OP
MetalheadGautham
AFK
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
these jokes are not for kiddies like youlol what a fool he might be
P
paranj
Guest
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
a joke - i am not a kiddo!
newtons law of love
universal law:
love can neither be created nor be destroyed, only it can transfer from
one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money.
first law:
a boy in love with a girl, continues to be in love with her and a girl
in love with a boy, continues to be in love with him, until on unless
any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
breaks the legs of the boy.
second law:
the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance.
third law:
the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite
to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals.
a joke - i am not a kiddo!
newtons law of love
universal law:
love can neither be created nor be destroyed, only it can transfer from
one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money.
first law:
a boy in love with a girl, continues to be in love with her and a girl
in love with a boy, continues to be in love with him, until on unless
any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
breaks the legs of the boy.
second law:
the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance.
third law:
the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite
to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals.
Last edited by a moderator:
hmphfpolo
Right off the assembly line
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
Dear Mr Bill Gates,
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a
computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to
your notice.
1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and
whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field.
We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****.
I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the
password is.
2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down '
button.
3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.
4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.
5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost
the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find',
but unable to trace. Is it a bug??
7. Every night I am not sleeping as i have to protect my 'mouse' from
CAT, So i suggest u to provide one DOG to protect from the cat.
8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning
'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to
collect ur money.
9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft
sentence', so when u will provide that?
10. Hey, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad there is only one
icon with 'MY Computer', where is remaining ?
11. And in 'MY Pictures' there is not even single photo of mine, So when u will keep my photo in that.
Thanks
Banta Singh…
Dear Mr Bill Gates,
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a
computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to
your notice.
1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and
whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field.
We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****.
I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the
password is.
2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down '
button.
3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.
4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.
5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost
the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find',
but unable to trace. Is it a bug??
7. Every night I am not sleeping as i have to protect my 'mouse' from
CAT, So i suggest u to provide one DOG to protect from the cat.
8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning
'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to
collect ur money.
9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft
sentence', so when u will provide that?
10. Hey, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad there is only one
icon with 'MY Computer', where is remaining ?
11. And in 'MY Pictures' there is not even single photo of mine, So when u will keep my photo in that.
Thanks
Banta Singh…
DigitDonz
Broken In
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
Java Interview Attended by our Dear BANTA SINGH
......................................................................
Q. What is the difference between an Abstract class and interface ?
A. terms are different ...nothing more
Q. What is JFC ?
A. Jilebi, Fanta and Coffee.
Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tires and auto rickshaws ill have 3 tiers.
Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server ? which methodology should I follow ?
A. Send it through courier.
Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA ?
A. As you wish, I do not have any objections.
Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Sorry, Non living things can't communicate.
Q. Explain RMI Architecture.
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.
Q. What is the user of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.
Q. What is the difference between Process and Threads ?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.
Q. What is JAR File ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.
Q. What is JINI ?
A. A ghost which was Alladdin's friend.
Q. How will you call an Applet from a Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.
Q. What is a bean ? where it can be used ?
A. A kind of cooking vegetable, In kitchens for cooking they can be used.
Q. Write don how will you create binary tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed, a binary tree will grow.
Java Interview Attended by our Dear BANTA SINGH
......................................................................
Q. What is the difference between an Abstract class and interface ?
A. terms are different ...nothing more
Q. What is JFC ?
A. Jilebi, Fanta and Coffee.
Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tires and auto rickshaws ill have 3 tiers.
Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server ? which methodology should I follow ?
A. Send it through courier.
Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA ?
A. As you wish, I do not have any objections.
Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Sorry, Non living things can't communicate.
Q. Explain RMI Architecture.
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.
Q. What is the user of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.
Q. What is the difference between Process and Threads ?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.
Q. What is JAR File ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.
Q. What is JINI ?
A. A ghost which was Alladdin's friend.
Q. How will you call an Applet from a Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.
Q. What is a bean ? where it can be used ?
A. A kind of cooking vegetable, In kitchens for cooking they can be used.
Q. Write don how will you create binary tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed, a binary tree will grow.
escape7
What? Where? How?
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
Make an html file and copy that link in the body...Then open the page...
Make an html file and copy that link in the body...Then open the page...
hmphfpolo
Right off the assembly line
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
Sardar Again
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar : I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend : why?
Sardar : Got upper berth.
Friend : why didn't you exchange?
Sardar : Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..
------------------------------------------------------------
A Teacher lecturing on population:
In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up and says: we must find and stop her !!
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure asto what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes !
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave him 11 cr
after deducting tax.Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar proposed a Girl. Girl said 'I'm 1 year elder to you'
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
------------------------------------------------------------
Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything.
So the other asked, "Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid?"
First one replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying.
The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
------------------------------------------------------------
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.
A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing"
Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh"
Another Guy Came and asked the same Question.
Sardar answered " No No Me ! Banta Singh"
Third one came and asked the same
question, Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
shift his place.
While walking he saw another Sardar
enjoying the Beach.
He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?".
The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing.
The Sardar slapped him on
his face and said "Idiot, they are all searching for you and you are sitting here"
------------------------------------------------------------
once a sardar ji went for an interview for the post of electrical engg.
desk: so you are coming for this post.
sardar ji: yes sir.
desk: so tell me how does an electrical motor runs?
sardarji: o ji its very simple.
TORRRRRRRRRRR..........
------------------------------------------------------------
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
SARDAR: dhuurrrrrrrrrr..
Interviewr shouts: stop it !
SARDAR: dhurr dhup dup dup dup.
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar: Can I know my mobile bill, please?
Call centre girl: Sir,just dial *123# to know your current bill status.
Sardar: (He got angry and..)You stupid...
Call centre girl:Sir,I'm sorry, anything wrong?
Sardar: I'm not asking my current bill.I'm asking my mobile bill.. Don't be a fool. Be wise like me.
Call centre girl: ???!!!
------------------------------------------------------------
sardar returns from London. He calls his wife and asks her, "Do I look like a foreigner?"
She says no.
The answer angers him. "Look carefully, do I look like a foreigner?"
She again replies in the negative. By now the sardar is fuming.
He yells: "Come close and see, do I look like a foreigner?"
The wife says: "No."
The sardar who is seething with rage says: "All those women in London were fools. Every time I went out they would say: `Look a foreigner`."
------------------------------------------------------------
Once a sardar had to learn two essays for the exam. One is about friend and the other is about father. He had studied only about friend. But in the exam the essay asked was about father. Sardar dint give up. He replaced father with friend in the essay and it read:
"I am a very fatherly person, I have lots of fathers, My best father is my neighbor."
He ended the essay as, "A father in need is a father in deed....!"
------------------------------------------------------------
NAPOLEAN: "In my Dictionary there is no word called 'IMPOSSIBLE'....
Sardarji: "What's the use of saying it now, you should have checked it before buying THE DICTIONARY !!
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
------------------------------------------------------------
Two Sardarjis went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches out of their packets and started to eat them. 'You can't eat your own sandwiches in here,' complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars swapped their sandwiches.
------------------------------------------------------------
Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you *******".
------------------------------------------------------------
Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..
------------------------------------------------------------
Flash news:
A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab .
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar joins the suicide bomber squad. So when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp his leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.
He land up in the enemy's camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?
Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.
Sardar: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?
Boss: Wait for more.
Sardar: Sir, now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can I suicide now?
Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don't worry about your family, we will look after.
Sardar pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.!!!
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar 1:If you tell me what's there in my basket, I'll give you all the EGGS in it.
Sardar 2: (Thinking...)
Sardar 1:And if you tell me how many eggs are there, I'll give you all the 7 EGGS!!
Sardar 2: (Thinking...)
Sardar 1:And again if you tell me which bird's eggs these are, the HEN is also yours....
Sardar 2: Your questions are too tough...So give me a clue or hint???
Sardar 1:!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------
Bobby returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father.
"Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am a Sardar?"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent."
Bobby seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am a Sardar ??"
"No , that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bobby poses another question to his father. "Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was at least twice their height. Is that because I am a Sardar?"
The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar: Will u marry after I die
Wife : No I wiil live with my sister.
Wife : Will u marry , after I die .
Sardar: No I will also live with ur sister.
------------------------------------------------------------
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarji painting the walls.
She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For Best Results put on Two Coats"
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar at bar in New York .
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Banta Singh Married
------------------------------------------------------------
A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
------------------------------------------------------------
Banta Singh: "Yaar Santa, last year the name-plate outside your house read Santa Singh B.A. This year it read Santa Singh M.A., When did you finish yours Masters Degree?
Santa Singh: "You don't understand. Last year my wife died, I put B.A. to indicate Bachelor Again. Then I took a second wife, So M.A. is Married Again.
------------------------------------------------------------
got it now
Sardar Again
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar : I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend : why?
Sardar : Got upper berth.
Friend : why didn't you exchange?
Sardar : Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..
------------------------------------------------------------
A Teacher lecturing on population:
In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up and says: we must find and stop her !!
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure asto what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes !
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave him 11 cr
after deducting tax.Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar proposed a Girl. Girl said 'I'm 1 year elder to you'
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
------------------------------------------------------------
Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything.
So the other asked, "Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid?"
First one replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying.
The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
------------------------------------------------------------
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.
A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing"
Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh"
Another Guy Came and asked the same Question.
Sardar answered " No No Me ! Banta Singh"
Third one came and asked the same
question, Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
shift his place.
While walking he saw another Sardar
enjoying the Beach.
He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?".
The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing.
The Sardar slapped him on
his face and said "Idiot, they are all searching for you and you are sitting here"
------------------------------------------------------------
once a sardar ji went for an interview for the post of electrical engg.
desk: so you are coming for this post.
sardar ji: yes sir.
desk: so tell me how does an electrical motor runs?
sardarji: o ji its very simple.
TORRRRRRRRRRR..........
------------------------------------------------------------
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
SARDAR: dhuurrrrrrrrrr..
Interviewr shouts: stop it !
SARDAR: dhurr dhup dup dup dup.
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar: Can I know my mobile bill, please?
Call centre girl: Sir,just dial *123# to know your current bill status.
Sardar: (He got angry and..)You stupid...
Call centre girl:Sir,I'm sorry, anything wrong?
Sardar: I'm not asking my current bill.I'm asking my mobile bill.. Don't be a fool. Be wise like me.
Call centre girl: ???!!!
------------------------------------------------------------
sardar returns from London. He calls his wife and asks her, "Do I look like a foreigner?"
She says no.
The answer angers him. "Look carefully, do I look like a foreigner?"
She again replies in the negative. By now the sardar is fuming.
He yells: "Come close and see, do I look like a foreigner?"
The wife says: "No."
The sardar who is seething with rage says: "All those women in London were fools. Every time I went out they would say: `Look a foreigner`."
------------------------------------------------------------
Once a sardar had to learn two essays for the exam. One is about friend and the other is about father. He had studied only about friend. But in the exam the essay asked was about father. Sardar dint give up. He replaced father with friend in the essay and it read:
"I am a very fatherly person, I have lots of fathers, My best father is my neighbor."
He ended the essay as, "A father in need is a father in deed....!"
------------------------------------------------------------
NAPOLEAN: "In my Dictionary there is no word called 'IMPOSSIBLE'....
Sardarji: "What's the use of saying it now, you should have checked it before buying THE DICTIONARY !!
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
------------------------------------------------------------
Two Sardarjis went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches out of their packets and started to eat them. 'You can't eat your own sandwiches in here,' complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars swapped their sandwiches.
------------------------------------------------------------
Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you *******".
------------------------------------------------------------
Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..
------------------------------------------------------------
Flash news:
A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab .
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar joins the suicide bomber squad. So when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp his leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.
He land up in the enemy's camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?
Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.
Sardar: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?
Boss: Wait for more.
Sardar: Sir, now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can I suicide now?
Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don't worry about your family, we will look after.
Sardar pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.!!!
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar 1:If you tell me what's there in my basket, I'll give you all the EGGS in it.
Sardar 2: (Thinking...)
Sardar 1:And if you tell me how many eggs are there, I'll give you all the 7 EGGS!!
Sardar 2: (Thinking...)
Sardar 1:And again if you tell me which bird's eggs these are, the HEN is also yours....
Sardar 2: Your questions are too tough...So give me a clue or hint???
Sardar 1:!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------
Bobby returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father.
"Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am a Sardar?"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent."
Bobby seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am a Sardar ??"
"No , that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bobby poses another question to his father. "Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was at least twice their height. Is that because I am a Sardar?"
The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar: Will u marry after I die
Wife : No I wiil live with my sister.
Wife : Will u marry , after I die .
Sardar: No I will also live with ur sister.
------------------------------------------------------------
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarji painting the walls.
She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For Best Results put on Two Coats"
------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar at bar in New York .
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Banta Singh Married
------------------------------------------------------------
A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
------------------------------------------------------------
Banta Singh: "Yaar Santa, last year the name-plate outside your house read Santa Singh B.A. This year it read Santa Singh M.A., When did you finish yours Masters Degree?
Santa Singh: "You don't understand. Last year my wife died, I put B.A. to indicate Bachelor Again. Then I took a second wife, So M.A. is Married Again.
------------------------------------------------------------
got it now
Last edited:
iatb.gourav
Ready To Rule !!!
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
The Smart Robot
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a nearby city and purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, but it was in fact a Lie Detector. He said it had to charge 4 or 5 hours, and then he would show her how it worked.
At 5:30 that afternoon, Tommy, their 11 year old son, came in from school, nearly 2 hours and 15 minutes late. Both parents were understandably angry.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?', they asked.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy.
The Robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.'
'What did you watch?', asked Marsha.
'The Ten Commandments.'
The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.
With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'
'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents, never tried to see dirty pictures much less dirty movies, told dirty jokes, nor did I misbehave.'
The robot walked around to John and delivered a tight slap that not only knocked him out of his chair, but out the back door and half way across the patio.
When he came back inside, Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!'
The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and literally slapped the **** out of her!
The Smart Robot
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a nearby city and purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, but it was in fact a Lie Detector. He said it had to charge 4 or 5 hours, and then he would show her how it worked.
At 5:30 that afternoon, Tommy, their 11 year old son, came in from school, nearly 2 hours and 15 minutes late. Both parents were understandably angry.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?', they asked.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy.
The Robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.'
'What did you watch?', asked Marsha.
'The Ten Commandments.'
The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.
With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'
'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents, never tried to see dirty pictures much less dirty movies, told dirty jokes, nor did I misbehave.'
The robot walked around to John and delivered a tight slap that not only knocked him out of his chair, but out the back door and half way across the patio.
When he came back inside, Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!'
The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and literally slapped the **** out of her!
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
In recent years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra that on Alzheimer’s disease research, leading one to wonder: By the year 2035, will there be a large number of people wandering around with big breast and erections who can’t remember what to do with them?
In recent years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra that on Alzheimer’s disease research, leading one to wonder: By the year 2035, will there be a large number of people wandering around with big breast and erections who can’t remember what to do with them?
P
paranj
Guest
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
^HAHAH lol!
^HAHAH lol!
alter_ego
Who me??
P
paranj
Guest
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
REAL INCIDENT -
ystday my school started and tday a new Physics teacher walked in. He started talking and introducing himself. He said "I know all of the many of you have the fear by the name of Physics. Physics not woory as it is the name of apple fElling on a ground"
REAL INCIDENT -
ystday my school started and tday a new Physics teacher walked in. He started talking and introducing himself. He said "I know all of the many of you have the fear by the name of Physics. Physics not woory as it is the name of apple fElling on a ground"
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No,I just lie there.
____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am ! I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Is this a trick question?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh..... I was getting laid!
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.!
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you mini coopertin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you
like to rephrase that?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
________________________________________________
-- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITN! ESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No,I just lie there.
____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am ! I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Is this a trick question?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh..... I was getting laid!
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.!
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you mini coopertin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you
like to rephrase that?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
________________________________________________
-- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITN! ESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
