Against Marriage

[DebojitGotBadDVD]

Ok, non computing topic, but I need some serious opinions.

Today I declared to my family (we are Bengalis residing in Kanpur....), that I will not marry, but live together with my childhood friend who I've decided to make the better half of my life............

Naturally, aag lag gayi aur meri waat lag gayee......at a friend's house right now, and my girl is **** scared at her place because her parents haven't heard the news, yet........

Problems:

1. My family keeps complaining that the girl isn't good looking, and they won't let me marry her. That's true. We are not a cute slim couple out of college dressed in hep jeans and fashionable apparel........I admit, she is very ordinary when it comes to looks and so am I, but two decades with her has taught me to see beyond looks.......it doesn't matter.....she's slightly dark, so my half mad and evil, shameless "Fair and Lovely" cream promoting sister is against her as well...........hell.

2. We also have family clashes......too long to elaborate, but we do have them anyways.....

3. Both of us don't believe in the institution of marriage. Don't ask why, but we just don't, too bad. But does living together really imply a "sin" as my family members are labeling it to be? I say it's bullshit.............Two people living together can be more committed to each other than a married couple, if not equally, provided that it's true love. I strongly feel that marriage is a legal contract stating "you two will only enjoy (substitute word) each other for the rest of your life". What the hell, one needs to marry to make that commitment? Ridiculous............

I've been so damn upset with this whole thing, and I feel like breaking someone's jaw when that someone is saying "saala US se aaya hai kyaa"...........bloody hell.

 

[azzu]

^^ really Big problem
i never thought sum 1 wud Xpress their PERsonal Things moore than me on dis Forum
but iam not that big to suggest u so wait for the SENIOURS (not geeks )

 

[RCuber]

The best people who can comment on this is married couples or couples who are living together, im not one of the above two so cannot say much. what ever decision you make; make it carefully.

 

[The_Devil_Himself]

all points agreed but why you guys don't want to marry?I mean 'live in' relationships are not as good as they seems to be IMHO.
What if one of you decides to 'walk out' of the relationship?The other one is doomed.Don't tell it will never happen or we can divorce even after marriage,
Be practical guys.

not everybody looks like brad pitt and angelina jolie.If you love her and she love you then I don't see anything wrong here.

Since your situation is pretty bad it demands bold steps......run away with your girl...marry her(this is important)......come back after 1-2 months.....You family will accept you(they always do).

You don't believe in the institution of marriage but your parents and society do.

 

[DebojitGotBadDVD]

TDH, well said........but yaar, I'll put it this way.........I'm not against marriage,
but I'm against being forced to do it just because it's the norm......

Kyaa yaar, I'm not iconoclastic or US-return........nahin.......but I feel our
relation is strong enough to survive a lifetime without the help of marriage, if at all it offers any......

Aur bhaagne ka sawaal nahin aata hai, ab zid chad rahi hai............karoonga to sabke saamne karoonga.......(shaadi nahin, live together).

Joh hoga dekha jayega....

Thing is I also don't want o hurt my family........unko sahin mein dukh nahin dena chahta.........maa, bhai-behen............sab khilaaf ho gaye hain.....

Miserable......

 

[The_Devil_Himself]

Zid hai to Zid hai!!!!

1.Bhai shaadi to karni padegi whether you like it or not.Think from the POV of the girl.
2.Yar think about the girl I mean will she ever be able to face this cruel society?Live-in is not as glamorous as it seems.
3.Family won't get hurt if you marry her o.k trust me.It will settle down within months.
4.BTW how old are you?And how old is she?
5.miserable?......ye ishk nahin aasan.......

 

[DebojitGotBadDVD]

ha ha..........ishq maar daala yaar......

I'm 29, she's 31. You're right about the society part.........kaamina log hain sab, well, most of them.

 

[The_Devil_Himself]

arre bose ladki hai....job hai(hai na?)....shaadi karo.....bhag jao(if you want to)....you're old enough to do whatever you want.

 

[RCuber]

Debojit... what about life insurance and other bank stuff.. hurdles which comes in life. say you get a great job in the US or UK but if by any chance, your partner doesnt get visa then you cannot take her with you. if you are married then she can get a dependent visa and go with you. One incident happend with two of my collegues, both were in love,she got a H1B visa but that guy did not get any. so what did they do? they just married in a small temple and he went with her thro dependent visa.

Also legal stuff will become easy when you have a spouce, like property, bank accounts and stuff..

Just for formalities marry her in the court or a small temple and enjoy your life.. as you want. no one will question anything.

 

[DebojitGotBadDVD]

haan, fortunately both of us have good jobs.....dekhte hain, I can't wait for her parents to hear this........

Kaafi raat ho gaya, aur woh phone bhi dar ke maare uthaa nahin rahi hain. Time to sleep.

Kal batata hoon jo hoga......

Good night.......

 

[NucleusKore]

haan, fortunately both of us have good jobs.....dekhte hain, I can't wait for her parents to hear this........

Well its nice you both have good jobs so that's a strong point in your favour.

For starters I recommend that you register your marriage in court. Its not the question of right or wrong but its
1. required by law
2. will save you both a lot of hassle in future with many things be it birth registration/children/school/succession/etc. etc.

Registration will confer legitimacy to both of you, so need not EXPLAIN anything to anyone. You can always introduce her as your wife. And see if her family is more responsive. I'm not married myself, but I'm 30, might marry in a year from now. I am guessing your age to be roughly 24 or 25, forgive me if I'm wrong. Believe me there's nothing like a lifetime commitment to each other as a married couple. Its beautiful in its own way. This is something many people realise in their 40's. Then its too late. You'll be budda by then

Seriously think about it

 

[DebojitGotBadDVD]

All of you have valid points, which is making me rethink......

Fortunately her parents haven't found out about our stand this far....today was totally uneventful......not a single family member of mine spoke to me......although I got a few stern glances once in a while......

Lagta hain shaadi karni hogi.....

But it's a good thing, the issue has changed to marriage and living together........earlier it was "you can't marry that girl........"

you get what I'm saying naa? Once problem has cleared off due to another......

 

[ilugd]

yeah, good one. Basically what you want to do is rebel. That is fine, but you have to make adjustments. Humility, you know. You are not all powerful. And if you really love her, you should know that you are helping her future by doing that. Don't let your ego get in between.
^^^ Best time, strike while the iron is hot and get that marriage sanctioned. Nice post by the way. Gave me a warm feeling deep inside and made me smile.
Take care.

 

[faraaz]

Wow...that's really...hmm...don't have an appropriate word.

But I will say this...just to be the voice of reason or whatever, I suggest tu thande dimaag ka kaam le. Firstly two things:

1) Marriage is absolutely necessary, for all the practical reasons outlined above. If you don't because of sirf zid, then you are being a jackass to your partner.

2) If you are financially independent and your family is against it purely through opinion, then I suggest you choose...then again, looks like you have already done that. Agar ladki ka haat nahin chod na hai, to bas, aage chalo. Baad mein jo hoga so dekha jayega...

Just to conclude...damn man, tu to pura hindi film ke hero jaisa ho gaya!

 

[DebojitGotBadDVD]

Arre nahin yaar, I'm short and have put on a bit of weight over the years,
(But I'm overweight only by 8 Kgs as per my Body Mass Index), toh hero sahin mein nahin ban paoonga......ha ha, lolz.

Like I said, the family acceptance problem is solved. My decision to live together solved the other problem.........

So I believe (agar sab kuch thik thak rahaa) I should be able to inform you all if we are tying the knot soon..........let's hope so!

Mega party doonga bhailog, don't worry!

 

[karnivore]

Well, i hav a brief experience with live-in relationship. Unfortunately it was not me but my friends, who eventually got married.

There are pros and cons to it. Trust me i have seen these guys closely enough to comment on this subject.

Initially, its "who cares", and then reality, read society, gives a real hard kick in the balls and u will be left gasping for air.

I personally feel live-in relationship is a must for any matured adult. Marriage is an arrangement where one partner is invariably taken for granted. But in live-in, its a different thing altogether. Also, it allows one to check out if one is compatible with the other partner.

But then again, its India and in no time, filth will start flying and no matter how thick you skin is, it will reach a boiling point. Its just a matter of time.

PS: I doff my hat to u and your girlfriend. Not everyone has the guts to think this way.

 

[Help~Is~Here]

This is India, no matter how true your relationship is, a live-in is a big no no here. In the cities where everyone just minds their own business its ok.. but when it comes to villages and towns, you might even be hacked to death for the same!

Why am I telling you this? Becuase I've been through it! You can't imagine the way people can be so crooked! It's a long story but if you plan to live together forever, you will have to get married to her becuase tomorrow when your child will ask you, how are kids born, the answer most people give is, a guy and a girl gets married and a kid is born. But then she/he might ask you, how was I born without you both getting married? Not only that, you can never fight for her not can she fight for you for anything in the eyes of the law, tomorrow if her parents drag her home and beat her up, you cannot do anything, because you are not legally married to her. The question everyone can ask you at that time is, who the hell are you? What will you say then? I'm her husband, or I'm her live-in partner? See, there are lot of legal problems if you are not married to her, so if you plan in having a family with her, you have to get married no matter how many years of live-in you do before marriage.

However, on the law side, recently the Supreme Court had made a statement saying "Two consenting adults doing in a live-in relationship is considered equally or better to marriage and have every right as a married couple do"

So, do your live-in as long as you want, but if you plan of starting a family, then get married.

 

[fun2sh]

hats of to u DEBOJIT.
very less ppl has guts like this.
but wat i think marraige(which me too considers a formality) is neccesary coz its like a lock on the door. u may feel that u can protect ur house without the lock on the door but it wont be that easy n possible every time.
ultimately a lock is required too be on safe side.

 

[Faun]

nice views.
I too think that marriage is a must in India. U never know wat will happen to ur livin relationship if there is no barricade to protect u from society and from intra quarrels.

Dont u remember the case abt the man in this forum ? If u love the girl then there is no harm marrying her.

 

[DebojitGotBadDVD]

ho Gaya Guys! Approved From Both Sidesssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok ok, I'm tooooooooooooooooooooo Euphoric to say anything sensible right now................................ bas, dono taraf se haan hai...............saala sab pyaar karne waalon ko yahi strategy adopt karni chahiye.........pehle bolo you want to live together.........then when you decide to get married, they'll nod their heads like pendulum clocks in approval.....ha ha ha ha

Baad mein details me bataoonga, definitely..........

And another thing friends and buddies, I owe all of you a very sincere thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your unanimous suggestions made me take the right step, and it has given me the best day of my life so far!

Don't want to sound gay, but..........I LOVE YOU!!!!!