Share Your Computer Jokes Here

[shivkumar]

Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

Different operating systems. Different styles. But what if the quirks and styles of the different operating systems were applied to AIRLINES? What if airlines ran things the way operating systems do? This humorous analogy, applying operating system philosophies as if they were airlines, is a long-standing much-circulated amusing story, and we'd credit the author if we knew who wrote it!

If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on...

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Windows XP Air

You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.

Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself.

When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

Source Got through StumbleUpon

 

[desertwind]

Ask Google a Question ?

Ever asked Google a Question ?

*www.shinyfire.com/feats/google/google.htm

 

[luckypayal]

Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

hey
joined today,
trying to post something for all there

This is the scene of a Chinese call center.

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan !
Operator : Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.You can speak to me. Who is this?
Caller : I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator : I know you are someoneand you want to talk to anyone ! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wanthat our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..

 

[hailgautam]

Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

If you want to see the unholy effect of clothing a simple thought with bombastic verbosity, slant your gaze at the following sentences. Hidden away beneath the lush overgrowth of phrases are some plain, simple ideas which you know as common maxims. Can you pierce the verbiage and extricate the proverbs? [8 is very good, 10 is terrific, 6 is average]........... In simple words, Can you guess the hidden proverb for the following..

________________________________________

1. A mass of concreted earthy material perennially rotating on its axis will not accumulate an accretion of byrophytic vegetation.
2. A superabundance of talent skilled in the preparation of gastronomic concoctions will impair the quality of a certain potable solution made by immersing a gallinaceous bird in ebullient Adam's ale.
3. Individuals who perforce are constrained to be domiciled in vitreous structures of patent frangibility should on no account employ petrous formations as projectiles.
4. That prudent avis which matutinally deserts the coziness of its abode will ensnare a creature.
5. Everything that coruscates with effulgence is not ipso facto aurous.
6. Do not dissipate your competence by hebetudinous prodigality lest you subsequently lament an exiguous inadequacy.
7. An addlepated beetlehead and his specie divaricate with startling prematurity.
8. It can be no other than a maleficent horizontally propelled current of gaseous matter whose portentous advent is not the harbinger of a modicum of beneficence.
9. One should hyperesthetically exercise macrography upon that situs which one will eventually tenant if one propels oneself into the troposphere.
10. Aberration is the hallmark of Homo Sapiens while longanimous placability and condonation are the indicia of supramundane omniscience.

 

[prasathvishnu]

Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

Look at this screenshot from NetBanking section of HDFC Bank.....

At the top 'Net Banking Round the Clock', down is the 'Unavailable' message

 

[desertwind]

Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

^^^

Haha. LOL.

 

[ilugd]

Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

hail gautam
1. A rolling stone gathers no moss
2. Too many cooks spoil the broth
3. Those who live in Glass houses should not throw stones at others
4. The early bird catches the worm
5. All that glitters is not gold
6.
7. A fool and his money are soon parted
8.
9.
10.

Just average, I guess. But I have got a splitting headache looking at all those long words. Need to go get an aspirin
__________
@prasathvishnu, round the clock, yeah, right!

 

[kumarmohit]

Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

How do you do a Crash course in Ramayan?
Simple, change your name to Micky and go crash in a Wall, U will become WallMickey...

 

[sspradhan]

Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

That was a good joke made up by you Mohit. Keep it up.

 

[aryayush]

Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

hail gautam
1. A rolling stone gathers no moss
2. Too many cooks spoil the broth
3. Those who live in Glass houses should not throw stones at others
4. The early bird catches the worm
5. All that glitters is not gold
6.
7. A fool and his money are soon parted
8.
9.
10.

Just average, I guess. But I have got a splitting headache looking at all those long words. Need to go get an aspirin

Just average!!! Either you know a enormous number of quotes or you are a genius in the English Language - or both!
You definitely deserve reps for this, the least I can do.

But honestly, I am jealous. I have always been lauded among my friends and in school as being the best among them when it comes to English. And you have just shattered my pride - with an iron hammer, no less.

 

[ilugd]

Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

uh.. is it? I didn't know that was good. The question said 6 was average. Well, every week I need to share from the bible in staff devotion (prayer and lecture from bible. I work in a church you know) and everyone falls asleep unless i talk on something interesting. So i have made the habit of using interesting quotations and stories. So I guess I know quite a few.
6. There is no substitute for hard work
8. Pride comes before a fall.
9. .. (Aargh.... Damn. Got a headache again.)

Ok, here is a story I shared today morning.
A milk man was a very devout believer and a worshipper of his God. He used to get up each morning and worship his God, he used to offer sacrifices and the like. And like all milkmen, he used to then get up and go about his day's activities, taking milk from the cows, going to the taps and topping up the cans with water to give with milk to his customers. His God was pleased, (not with his adding water to the cans, but because of his devotion to him) and so appeared in person and told him that as a boon he was giving him a lake of milk in his backyard which would never ever dry up. Still God wanted to do more for him and asked him what else he could do.
The milk man's answer, give me two ponds of water.
Moral: People never change.

 

[jawwadsajid]

Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

 

[24online]

Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

Omkara - Bidi jala le by IIT delhi students

*youtube.com/watch?v=buf13ZiDAZY

 

[nileshgr]

Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

 

[Desmond]

Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

TITANIC song remake in ORKUT song.

Every time in my orkut
I see you. I scrap you.
That is how I know you go on.
Far across the Scrap Book
And testimonials between us
You have come to show yourself “ single”.
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the friends list does go on
Once more you logged on
And you're here in my scrap book
And my scrap book will go on and on
Testimonials can touch us one time
And last for sometime
And never let go till we're friends
Love was when I saw your friends list
One true time I hold to
In my life I’ll surely view her/his profile
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the friends list does go on
Once more you logged on
And you're here in my scrap book
And my scrap book will go on and on
There is some amazing profile that will not
go away
You're here, there's so much to fear,
And I know that my friend will know I checked her/him out
We'll stay forever th rough

 

[ilugd]

Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*

orkut doesnt work for me.

 

[krates]

Hey Friends I Started This Thread To Share Your Computer Jokes Here Now What You Are Waiting For Share Your Joke Here Like This One

Light Bulb
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,331:
* 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed
* 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
* 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
* 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
* 53 to flame the spell checkers
* 156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
* 41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
* 109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
* 203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
* 111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.
* 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
* 27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
* 14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
* 3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
* 33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."
* 12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversey.
* 19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
* 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
* 1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
* 47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
* 143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

 

[Lucky_star]

It was funny...but there is already a thread running .
Post there:*www.thinkdigit.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29532&highlight=Jokes

 

[piyush gupta]

Already a thread running

also wrong section

thread reported

 

[24online]

cool video :
DHL Deliver Everything
*www.metacafe.com/watch/406443/dhl_deliver_everything/