Share All Your Jokes Here ! [warning: some jokes may not be family friendly]

Faun

Faun

Wahahaha~!
Staff member
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !

God and bill gates

 Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"

Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thanks, Lord. What's the difference between the two?"

God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?" "Sure!" said Bill. "Let's go!"

Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.

The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect!

Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven!"

To which God replied, "Let's go!" and off they went. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing.

It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision

"God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."

"As you desire," said God.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.

"How ya doin', Bill?" asked God. Bill responded with anguish and despair.

"This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

"Oh, THAT!" said God. "That was the screen saver"

Sunday School
 There was a girl who went to Sunday school and always fell asleep.
One day the teacher asked and pointed at the sleeping girl, Who made the world?
The boy behind her poked her with a pencil. She woke up and yelled GOD!
Thats correct!,The teacher said.

The girl fell asleep again. The teacher asked, Who died on the cross? The boy poked the girl again and she yelled JESUS!
Thats correct!! The teacher said again.

The girl fell asleep again. After a while........
The teacher asked,What did Eve say to Adam when they had their 99th child?The boy poked the girl again. The girl stood up and shouted,
IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF!!!!
 
Last edited:
OP
MetalheadGautham

MetalheadGautham

AFK
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !

T159 said:
God and bill gates

 Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"

Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thanks, Lord. What's the difference between the two?"

God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?" "Sure!" said Bill. "Let's go!"

Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.

The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect!

Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven!"

To which God replied, "Let's go!" and off they went. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing.

It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision

"God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."

"As you desire," said God.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.

"How ya doin', Bill?" asked God. Bill responded with anguish and despair.

"This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

"Oh, THAT!" said God. "That was the screen saver"

Sunday School
 There was a girl who went to Sunday school and always fell asleep.
One day the teacher asked and pointed at the sleeping girl, Who made the world?
The boy behind her poked her with a pencil. She woke up and yelled GOD!
Thats correct!,The teacher said.

The girl fell asleep again. The teacher asked, Who died on the cross? The boy poked the girl again and she yelled JESUS!
Thats correct!! The teacher said again.

The girl fell asleep again. After a while........
The teacher asked,What did Eve say to Adam when they had their 99th child?The boy poked the girl again. The girl stood up and shouted,
IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF!!!!
Click to expand...
the last one was awssoime :D
 
piyush gupta

piyush gupta

Cyborg Agent
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !

T159 said:

Sunday School
There was a girl who went to Sunday school and always fell asleep.
One day the teacher asked and pointed at the sleeping girl, Who made the world?
The boy behind her poked her with a pencil. She woke up and yelled GOD!
Thats correct!,The teacher said.

The girl fell asleep again. The teacher asked, Who died on the cross? The boy poked the girl again and she yelled JESUS!
Thats correct!! The teacher said again.

The girl fell asleep again. After a while........
The teacher asked,What did Eve say to Adam when they had their 99th child?The boy poked the girl again. The girl stood up and shouted,
IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF!!!!
Click to expand...
Awsome
 
N

nish_higher

Wise Old Owl
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !

Evolution Of Man And Television--

*img233.imageshack.us/img233/5574/9309a6d6b26b7c9d1d454ceom4.jpg
 
amitava82

amitava82

MMO Addict
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !

Are you bored this week-end? Why don’t you try some fun with your girlfriend. Like give her a 5.25″ floppy disk, your notebook and tell her that on the disk are some unseen before photos with her … Let’s see how she will handle this issue… Priceless

*i173.photobucket.com/albums/w55/amitava82/blondasidischeta.jpg

Be aware to watch her closely. You don’t want to ruin your notebook…
 
Faun

Faun

Wahahaha~!
Staff member
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !

amitava82 said:
Are you bored this week-end? Why don’t you try some fun with your girlfriend. Like give her a 5.25″ floppy disk, your notebook and tell her that on the disk are some unseen before photos with her … Let’s see how she will handle this issue… Priceless

*i173.photobucket.com/albums/w55/amitava82/blondasidischeta.jpg

Be aware to watch her closely. You don’t want to ruin your notebook…
Click to expand...
lol:D dumbfounded
 
N

nish_higher

Wise Old Owl
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !

Check this video (900kb)
This is whats gonna happen to hardcore PC users :))
*www.mediafire.com/?fsxlojp30zz
 
L

legolas

Padawan
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !

This is one of the best I have enjoyed... really...
*jokes.comedycentral.com/random_joke.aspx?joke_id=222
 
nileshgr

nileshgr

Wise Old Owl
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !

A doctor goes to a marriage. He has no space to sit. A lawyer calls him and asks him to sit beside him. Now a person comes to the doc and says "I have stomach ache.". The doc gives him a medicine. Next comes a person with headache. And similarly some others.

Then the doc says to the lawyer that all these people took medicine from me for free. The lawyer gives an idea by saying that send them invoices (or bills). He sends them and gets the money next day. The day after the doc recieves money from his clients, receives an invoice from the lawyer with an letter. The letter says "I gave you solution to get your fees. Now for the idea, pay me my fees!!!!" :D :D :D

How's it ?
 
RaghuKL

RaghuKL

Swalpa Adjust Maadi
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !

A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had
made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he
would like on it.
"Here lies an honest man and a lawyer," responded the lawyer.
"Sorry, but I can't do that," replied the stonecutter. "In this
state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave.
However, I could put ``here lies an honest lawyer''."
"But that won't let people know who it is" protested the lawyer.
"Certainly will," retorted the stonecutter. "people will read it
and exclaim, "That's Strange!"
------------------------------
An anthropologist studying cannibals goes into a
store for heart (to eat). On the shelf she sees a jar
of physicists' brains for $1, a jar of janitors' heart
for $1, a jar of musicians' heart for $1, a jar of
doctors' heart for $1 and a jar of economists' heart
for $25. She goes to the manager and asks "why are the
economists' heart so expensive?"

The reply comes, "Do you know how many economists you have to kill to get a jar of heart?"
 
Last edited:
nileshgr

nileshgr

Wise Old Owl
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !

RaghuKL said:
A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had
made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he
would like on it.
"Here lies an honest man and a lawyer," responded the lawyer.
"Sorry, but I can't do that," replied the stonecutter. "In this
state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave.
However, I could put ``here lies an honest lawyer''."
"But that won't let people know who it is" protested the lawyer.
"Certainly will," retorted the stonecutter. "people will read it
and exclaim, "That's Strange!"
------------------------------
An anthropologist studying cannibals goes into a
store for heart (to eat). On the shelf she sees a jar
of physicists' brains for $1, a jar of janitors' heart
for $1, a jar of musicians' heart for $1, a jar of
doctors' heart for $1 and a jar of economists' heart
for $25. She goes to the manager and asks "why are the
economists' heart so expensive?"

The reply comes, "Do you know how many economists you have to kill to get a jar of heart?"
Click to expand...
LOL!
 
OP
MetalheadGautham

MetalheadGautham

AFK
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !

Error Message in intel's nehlam processors while compiling older programs:

Code: 
Segmentation Fault: Core Dumped

PS: hope you know enough to understand my joke
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom