Share All Your Jokes Here ! [warning: some jokes may not be family friendly]
vamsi_krishna
Human Spambot
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
Conversation between father and son...
Son: Dad, I've saved 10 rupees by running behind the bus insted of taking the bus..
dad gets angry and slaps the boy... the boy's mother approaches and asks...
"Why did you slapped the boy?"
Dad: If he ran behind the taxi insted of taking it he would have saved 100 rupees.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A dumb head approaches his friend and said...
Dumbhead: I have a girl friend now...
Friend: How are you feeling now?
Dumbhead: I'm happier than ever in my life.
Friend: Invite her to your house when there is no one in your house. you will be more happy.
Dumbhead invited her girfriend to her house when there is no one in his house...
really there was no one in the house...
Conversation between father and son...
Son: Dad, I've saved 10 rupees by running behind the bus insted of taking the bus..
dad gets angry and slaps the boy... the boy's mother approaches and asks...
"Why did you slapped the boy?"
Dad: If he ran behind the taxi insted of taking it he would have saved 100 rupees.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A dumb head approaches his friend and said...
Dumbhead: I have a girl friend now...
Friend: How are you feeling now?
Dumbhead: I'm happier than ever in my life.
Friend: Invite her to your house when there is no one in your house. you will be more happy.
Dumbhead invited her girfriend to her house when there is no one in his house...
really there was no one in the house...
Krazzy Warrior
"Aal Izz Well"
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
Lol! thats why he is dumbhead i got the meaning!
Lol! thats why he is dumbhead i got the meaning!
Disc_Junkie
Call me D_J!
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
vamsi_krishna
Human Spambot
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
Got it on E-mail...... FOCL
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment.
“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
Got it on E-mail...... FOCL
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment.
“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
Disc_Junkie
Call me D_J!
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
lool!!
lool!!
vamsi_krishna
Human Spambot
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
Received these things in E-mail...
The FBI was hiring for a high position and after basic training they had three people left, two men and a woman. They asked the first man to come to HQ and told him,"Your wife is in the next room, we need you to take this gun and shoot her". He wouldn't do it so they sent him home. They asked the next man the same thing but he said he couldn't do it so they sent him home. Then the woman came and they gave her a gun and told her that her husband was in the next room and needed to be shot. She went in and there were clicking noises then crashing noises in the room. She came out and said,"The gun was loaded with blanks so I had to kill him with the chair".
Received these things in E-mail...
The FBI was hiring for a high position and after basic training they had three people left, two men and a woman. They asked the first man to come to HQ and told him,"Your wife is in the next room, we need you to take this gun and shoot her". He wouldn't do it so they sent him home. They asked the next man the same thing but he said he couldn't do it so they sent him home. Then the woman came and they gave her a gun and told her that her husband was in the next room and needed to be shot. She went in and there were clicking noises then crashing noises in the room. She came out and said,"The gun was loaded with blanks so I had to kill him with the chair".
Mr.Digital
Broken In
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
Cool stuff goin on.......Since people often post jokes here, in seperate threads, I decided to start a thread exclusively for jokes. You may start posting all your jokes right here. It needn't even be textual. It can also be an image or a video.
Happy Joking
Mr.Digital
Broken In
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
Intresting!!!!
Politically Correct Jokes
1
The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the
Attack on the Pentagon:
'I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case
you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of
everything.'
============ ========= ========= ========= =====
2
Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:
Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my
condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great
bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with
that..
Bush: What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in Americanow?
Bush: It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!
============ ========= ========= ========= ====
3
Vajpayee(ex Indian Prime Minister) and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman,
'Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?'
The barman says 'Yep, that's them...' So the guy walks
over and says, 'Hello, what are you guys doing?'
Bush says, 'We're planning world war 3'
The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'
And Vajpayee says, 'Well, we're going to kill 14
million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman.'
And the guy exclaimed, 'A bicycle repairman?!! !'
Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, 'See, I told you no-one would worry about
the 14 million Pakistanis!'
============ ========= ========= ========= =====
4
Pakistani on the moon:
Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?
A: ...... Problem Solved!!!
============ ========= ========= ========= =====
5
A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a
little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the
dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: 'You are a
hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:
'Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl'.
The man says: 'But I am not a New Yorker!'
Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:
'Brave American saves life of little girl' the policeman answers.
'But I am not an American!' - says the man. Oh, what are you then?'
The man says: 'I am a Pakistani!'
The next day the newspapers say: 'Extremist kills innocent American dog'
Intresting!!!!
Politically Correct Jokes
1
The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the
Attack on the Pentagon:
'I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case
you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of
everything.'
============ ========= ========= ========= =====
2
Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:
Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my
condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great
bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with
that..
Bush: What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in Americanow?
Bush: It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!
============ ========= ========= ========= ====
3
Vajpayee(ex Indian Prime Minister) and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman,
'Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?'
The barman says 'Yep, that's them...' So the guy walks
over and says, 'Hello, what are you guys doing?'
Bush says, 'We're planning world war 3'
The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'
And Vajpayee says, 'Well, we're going to kill 14
million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman.'
And the guy exclaimed, 'A bicycle repairman?!! !'
Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, 'See, I told you no-one would worry about
the 14 million Pakistanis!'
============ ========= ========= ========= =====
4
Pakistani on the moon:
Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?
A: ...... Problem Solved!!!
============ ========= ========= ========= =====
5
A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a
little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the
dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: 'You are a
hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:
'Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl'.
The man says: 'But I am not a New Yorker!'
Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:
'Brave American saves life of little girl' the policeman answers.
'But I am not an American!' - says the man. Oh, what are you then?'
The man says: 'I am a Pakistani!'
The next day the newspapers say: 'Extremist kills innocent American dog'
Psychosocial
Violent serenity.
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
lol
lol
RaghuKL
Swalpa Adjust Maadi
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.
Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst place....
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.
Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst place....
amitabhishek
Bad to the bone
Shiney Ahuja Jokes
Q: Why maids are scared to clean the utensils?
A: They are scared of it becoming too Shiney
What does Shiney like to ride the most?
Bai-cycle
Which song did Shiney sing with N'Sync
Bai Bai Bai
What is Shiney's fav bedroom line?
Am a Good Boy. You be a GOOD BAI!
What is Shiney's sexual orientation?
He is Bai-Sexual
\Who is Shiney's fav football player
'Bai'chung Bhutia
Here are a couple of good ones which use 'Maid' in place on 'Bai':
What's Shiney Ahuja's favorite song?
Maid in India
What kind of food does Shiney like
Home Maid
Now, for a couple of non-Bai/non-Maid ones:
Why did Shiney hang out with Snoop Dog??
To make rape music
Q: Why maids are scared to clean the utensils?
A: They are scared of it becoming too Shiney
What does Shiney like to ride the most?
Bai-cycle
Which song did Shiney sing with N'Sync
Bai Bai Bai
What is Shiney's fav bedroom line?
Am a Good Boy. You be a GOOD BAI!
What is Shiney's sexual orientation?
He is Bai-Sexual
\Who is Shiney's fav football player
'Bai'chung Bhutia
Here are a couple of good ones which use 'Maid' in place on 'Bai':
What's Shiney Ahuja's favorite song?
Maid in India
What kind of food does Shiney like
Home Maid
Now, for a couple of non-Bai/non-Maid ones:
Why did Shiney hang out with Snoop Dog??
To make rape music
Psychosocial
Violent serenity.
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
lmao
lmao
RaghuKL
Swalpa Adjust Maadi
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
New Motivational commandments
The Procrastinator’s Creed
1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesimally small, is not exactly zero.
8. If at first I don’t succeed, there is always next year.
9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.
12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/wait/plan.
13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
New Motivational commandments
The Procrastinator’s Creed
1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesimally small, is not exactly zero.
8. If at first I don’t succeed, there is always next year.
9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.
12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/wait/plan.
13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
Mr.Digital
Broken In
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,
"Mr.Prime Minister, please answer this question: your
mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs
up and says,"Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
Bush nods: "Yes Mr.President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Bush, upon returning to Washington,decides he'd better put Condoleeza Rice to the test.
Bush summons her to the White House and says,
"Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother
or your sister.Who is it?"
Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about
it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.
Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators,
and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can
come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls ColinPowell and explains the problem.
"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father
has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister.
Who
is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House,
finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know
who it is!
It's our Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Manmohan
Singh!"
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,
"Mr.Prime Minister, please answer this question: your
mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs
up and says,"Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
Bush nods: "Yes Mr.President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Bush, upon returning to Washington,decides he'd better put Condoleeza Rice to the test.
Bush summons her to the White House and says,
"Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother
or your sister.Who is it?"
Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about
it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.
Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators,
and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can
come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls ColinPowell and explains the problem.
"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father
has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister.
Who
is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House,
finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know
who it is!
It's our Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Manmohan
Singh!"
Mr.Digital
Broken In
Re: Share All Your Jokes Here !
Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest
The questions are as follows:
1) How long was the 100 yr war?
A) 116
B) 99
C) 100
D) 150
Sardar says "I will skip this"
2) In which country are the Panama hats made?
A) BRASIL
B) CHILE
C) PANAMA
D) EQUADOR
Sardar asks for help from the University students
3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
A) JANUARY
B) SEPTEMBER
C) OCTOBER
D) NOVEMBER
Sardar asks for help from general public
4) Which of these was King George VI first name?
A) EDER
B) ALBERT
C) GEORGE
D) MANOEL
Sardar asks for lucky cards
5) The Canary Islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on
which animal:
A) CANARY BIRD
B) KANGAROO
C) PUPPY
D) RAT
Sardar gives up.
SCROLL DOWN.......
If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then
please check the answers below:
1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453
2) The Panama hat is made in Equador
3) The October revolution is celebrated in November
4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.
5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of
the puppies.
Now tell me who's the dumb one....Think twice before you laugh at a Sardar again
On behalf of,
Manmohan Singh, PM, India.
Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest
The questions are as follows:
1) How long was the 100 yr war?
A) 116
B) 99
C) 100
D) 150
Sardar says "I will skip this"
2) In which country are the Panama hats made?
A) BRASIL
B) CHILE
C) PANAMA
D) EQUADOR
Sardar asks for help from the University students
3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
A) JANUARY
B) SEPTEMBER
C) OCTOBER
D) NOVEMBER
Sardar asks for help from general public
4) Which of these was King George VI first name?
A) EDER
B) ALBERT
C) GEORGE
D) MANOEL
Sardar asks for lucky cards
5) The Canary Islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on
which animal:
A) CANARY BIRD
B) KANGAROO
C) PUPPY
D) RAT
Sardar gives up.
SCROLL DOWN.......
If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then
please check the answers below:
1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453
2) The Panama hat is made in Equador
3) The October revolution is celebrated in November
4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.
5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of
the puppies.
Now tell me who's the dumb one....Think twice before you laugh at a Sardar again
On behalf of,
Manmohan Singh, PM, India.
