MetalheadGautham
AFK
If Operating Systems Ran Airways...
Air DOS
Air DOS
[FONT=ae_Metal]Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on ...[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
Mac Airlines
[FONT=ae_Metal]All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look neat and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, that you really don't want to know, and that everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up and watch the movie.[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal] [/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal] [/FONT]
Windows Air
[FONT=ae_Metal]The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air and at 40,000 feet, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
Windows NT Air
[FONT=ae_Metal]All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit down, flap their arms and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
Windows XP Air
[FONT=ae_Metal]You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
Linux Air
[FONT=ae_Metal]Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. You take the seat to a location of your choice and bolt it into the deck, per the instructions. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plan leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "Jesus, you had to do what with the seat? ... "[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
OS/2 Airlines
[FONT=ae_Metal]The terminal is almost empty, with only a few prospective passengers milling about. The announcer says that their flight has just departed, wishes them a good flight, though there are no planes on the runway. Airline personnel walk around, apologising profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the field. They tell each passenger how good the real flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but that they will have to wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems. Once they finally finished you're offered a flight at reduced cost. To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different times by standing in ten different lines. Then you fill our a form showing where you want to sit and whether the plane should look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you succeed in getting on the plane and the plane succeeds in taking off the ground, you have a wonderful trip...except for the time when the rudder and flaps get frozen in position, in which case you will just have time to say your prayers and get in crash position.[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
Unix Airlines
[FONT=ae_Metal]Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got there.[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
Wings of OS/400
[FONT=ae_Metal]The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably the best and safest planes that ever flew, and painted "747" on their tails to make them look as if they are fast. The flight attendants, of course, attend to your every need, though the drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid questions cost $230 per hour, unless you have SupportLine, which requires a first class ticket and membership in the frequent flyer club. Then they cost $500, but your accounting department can call it overhead.[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
Atari ST Airstrip
[FONT=ae_Metal]All the mechanics seem to be German or Finnish and were fired from at least 2 of the other airlines. Cockpit visibility is very poor and the planes are not what you'd call aerodynamic, but the safety record is impeccable. If passengers want refreshments they have to wait in a line in the aisle. The seatbelts are only for show, as are the oxygen masks. The hangars are filthy and covered in dust and skeletons of past engineers. Fuel is awash over the loading bay floor. Tickets are free as long as you order online and you have to load the luggage onboard yourself.[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
Mach Airlines
[FONT=ae_Metal]There is no airplane. The passengers gather and shout for an airplane, then wait and wait and wait and wait. A bunch of people come, each carrying one piece of the plane with them. These people all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they're building. The plane finally takes off, leaving the passengers on the ground waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. After the plane lands, the pilot telephones the passengers at the departing airport to inform them that they have arrived.[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
Newton Airlines
[FONT=ae_Metal]After buying your ticket 18 months in advance, you finally get to board the plane. Upon boarding the plane you are asked your name. After 6 times, the crew member recognizes your name and then you are allowed to take your seat. As you are getting ready to take your seat, the steward announces that you have to repeat the boarding process because they are out of room and need to recount to make sure they can take more passengers.[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
VMS Airlines
[FONT=ae_Metal]The passengers all gather in the hanger, watching hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers. All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of 200 technicians. The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to realise that the plane is too big to get through the hangar doors.[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
[FONT=ae_Metal]
[/FONT]
BeOS Air
[FONT=ae_Metal]You have to pay for the tickets, but they're half the price of Windows Air, and if you are an aircraft mechanic you can probably ride for free. It only takes 15 minutes to get to the airport and you are cheuferred there in a limozine. BeOS Air only has limited types of planes that only only hold new luggage. All planes are single seaters and the model names all start with an "F" (F-14, F-15, F-16, F-18, etc.). The plane will fly you to your destination on autopilot in half the time of other Airways or you can fly the plane yourself. There are limited destinations, but they are only places you'd want to go to anyway. You tell all your friends how great BeOS Air is and all they say is "What do you mean I can't bring all my old baggage with me?"
Source: *www.mendhak.com/humor/show.php?id=44
[/FONT]
Source: *www.mendhak.com/humor/show.php?id=44
[/FONT]
