Please review my writing (South Park Summaries)

Chetan1991

Chetan1991

Youngling
Here's a link to some stuff I've been writing:
My South Park Summaries and Reviews
I can't get myself to write fiction because of my perfectionism so I tried to write summaries to first increase the quality of my general writing. Please take a look at the summaries and feel free to give any suggestions you have.
Thanks in advance.
 
S

Santa Maria!

Journeyman
I only read through the first entry on that page (the Christmas Poo thing), and rather enjoyed it. Makes me want to watch the episode. I've only watched like 3 or 4 eps of South Park ever.

Since you asked for feedback about writing, I'll throw in a few things that caught my attention (but I didn't do any deep analysis, so I could have missed a lot):
-2nd para typo: 'rehersing' should be 'rehearsing'
-In this sentence: 'Mr Hankey appears again in Kyle's bedroom and Kyle suggest he will take Mr. Hankey to meet his friends so at least they don't think he is crazy', 'suggest' should be 'suggests', and even then the sentence doesn't flow right.
-Cartman sings "Kyle's Mom is a stupid *****": 'mom' is unnecessarily capitalized.
-Last para: and are focussing on only what's wrong with it. Switch positions of 'on' and 'only'?

Some of these errors are pretty basic and even a basic text editor would point them out via spell-check.'
You should get the basics absolutely solid before asking for advice on more subtle aspects of writing such as tone or style :)

Maybe I'll read the other summaries later :p
 
OP
Chetan1991

Chetan1991

Youngling
mastercool8695 said:
@OP : the page you linked is marked "unsafe" by Bitdefender IS.

hope you got the point ;)
Click to expand...

There's nothing malicious on my site AFAIK. So should I change my webhost?

Santa Maria! said:
I only read through the first entry on that page (the Christmas Poo thing), and rather enjoyed it. Makes me want to watch the episode. I've only watched like 3 or 4 eps of South Park ever.

Since you asked for feedback about writing, I'll throw in a few things that caught my attention (but I didn't do any deep analysis, so I could have missed a lot):
-2nd para typo: 'rehersing' should be 'rehearsing'
-In this sentence: 'Mr Hankey appears again in Kyle's bedroom and Kyle suggest he will take Mr. Hankey to meet his friends so at least they don't think he is crazy', 'suggest' should be 'suggests', and even then the sentence doesn't flow right.
-Cartman sings "Kyle's Mom is a stupid *****": 'mom' is unnecessarily capitalized.
-Last para: and are focussing on only what's wrong with it. Switch positions of 'on' and 'only'?

Some of these errors are pretty basic and even a basic text editor would point them out via spell-check.'
You should get the basics absolutely solid before asking for advice on more subtle aspects of writing such as tone or style :)

Maybe I'll read the other summaries later :p
Click to expand...

Thanks for your feedback. I don't use a word processor, just plain old text editor (notepad++) so lots of mistakes are left out. Additionally I have a habit of constructing long sentences which end up having a weird flow.
 
mikael_schiffer

mikael_schiffer

Padawan
Didn't read much, just random scrolling and my eye caught the Episode 3 write up-
Grammatical mistakes are plenty, the kind which even MS Office Word can point out..
South Park is suffering from an epidemic of people catching fire all of a sudden an Randy is given the responsibility of finding a solution while Kyle looks for a way to get an erection and give it to his father.
Click to expand...

For eg. South Park is suffering an epidemic. People are catching fire at random,and Randy, the only scientist in South Park is summoned to solve this mystery. Kyle,on the other hand, is caught up with finding a solution for his Dad's "erectile dysfunctional" problems in a hilariously awkward manner.

Writing styles may vary between writers but its the manner in which its written that affects how popular you will get.
Tip#1 Read lots and lots of film reviews. Rotten Tomatoes have great reviews from a diverse pool of journalists. I love their writing styles.
Tip #2 Do NOT MAKE MISTAKES WHICH EVEN A SIMPLE OFFICE SUITE CAN CORRECT. Your simple typos and grammatical errors gives the impression that you
a) are not good in english
b) are using a notepad for writing reviews

Mind you, this is my assessment from just ONE SENTENCE in that page. I am not good at writing, but after years of reading reviews, i can definitely differentiate between a Pro and an Amateur writer.
Anyways i admire your determination. I wanted to get into writing, but was too lazy for it. Plus it requires some commitment, you just cant make it a time pass hobby.
 
OP
Chetan1991

Chetan1991

Youngling
Thanks for your feedback. I'm actually using just a text editor so lots of mistakes go unnoticed. I guess its going to take a lot of time to develop a quality writing style.
I can't mention ED since Kyle thinks of erection as an object he can give to his father. Those articles are more like summaries than reviews.
BTW keen observation. That is one of the funniest episodes of the show depicting the boys' innocence. You'll like the show if you enjoy boyish toilet humor and thought provoking social commentary (in a dont-care-what-you-think unPC and way).
 
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