DOOM is one of those movies that has been in what's called "development hell." Development Hell is a lot like the regular Hell, except the demons are all wearing expensive suits and can't make a decision about anything to save their afterlives. They throw half-baked ideas about a particular movie back and forth, randomly get producers and casting directors on the speakerphone, take four-hour martini lunches and never realize that they haven't gotten any work done. It is a dark place for a script to be.
It's difficult to keep track of the on-again, off-again status of the DOOM film, but as far as we can tell, it first came to light in 1997 at Universal. The first few drafts of the script were deemed "horrible" and nothing much happened for the next two years. Then the Columbine tragedy happened, which was quasi-related to the DOOM video game, and the project was scrapped, or rather, doomed to the confines of Development Hell. There it festers - at least until recently.
With Spy Hunter being possibly delayed, a certain wrestler-turned-thespian named Dwayne Johnson, aka The Rock, is eyeing the DOOM project. The Rock would be playing the main character of "Unnamed Space Marine", a rough-and-tumble warrior who must destroy hundreds of demons and monsters and...well, that's pretty much it. The Rock has proven himself to be a so-so box office star, with The Scorpion King, The Rundown and Walking Tall being moderate hits, at least successful enough to inspire Hollywood to keep trying for the perfect vehicle for the charismatic former WWE champion. DOOM just might do the trick, as the game has legions of fans, fans who would be willing to shell out ten bucks to see a movie of their favorite shoot-em-up. And you're damn right it'll be PG-13!
This isn't rocket science. Why no one at Universal has asked us at UGO to help bring this project to light is beyond us. We've got the perfect formula to make this the most successful game-to-film adaptation in the history of everything. They've got the right idea in casting The Rock, but we'd like to expand the cast a bit. They'd all have to work for scale, of course, because we'd want to keep the budget below $40 million while still guaranteeing the best creature effects that money can buy. Here is the cast of the perfect DOOM movie, and we'll sure to get this faxed to Development Hell once the demon suits get back from their second lunch.
The Rock as Unnamed Space Marine
Here's an excerpt from The Rock's Oscar moment in the film:
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUING
Unnamed Space Marine continues his tenuous journey down the corridor, the shadow of the fan from the ventilation shaft cast over his sweating face, which is peppered with spots of blood from the slain Demon #463. Frustrated at the sudden silence and lack of action, he empties his entire machine gun into the empty corridor, his mouth open in a silent scream. Why? Why are the monsters torturing him? Why don't they show their hideous faces? Why? Should he just...give up?
Give up, or press on?
Oh he will press on. You betcha.
Ashley Scott as Unnamed Female Space Marine #1
Here is an excerpt from Ashley's character introduction:
INT. VENTILATION SHAFT - CONTINUING
Unnamed Space Marine crouches in the ventilation shaft, his almost-empty .45 pistol aimed directly in front of him. His eyes are wide in disbelief, questioning the sight before him. He's been stricken with visions of unrelenting ugliness for hours - or perhaps days? - and cannot believe he's been offered such beauty to behold.
But it is true. About 15 yards in front of him, crouched in the same position, aiming her own almost-empty .45 pistol at him, her beautiful eyes staring in utter disbelief as well, her shirt perfectly torn to reveal her bare shoulder and midriff, sweat running down her angel face, is UNNAMED FEMALE SPACE MARINE #1.
Neither of them move. Is it time for a Mexican Standoff...or a time for love?
Keira Knightley as Unnamed Female Space Marine #2
Here is an excerpt featuring a rather intense moment between Keira and The Rock:
INT. CONTROL ROOM #9 - CONTINUING
Unnamed Female Space Marine #2 holds the grenade in her hand. She glares at Unnamed Space Marine, daring him to come closer, to even think about coming closer. He glances at the weapon in her hand - yes, the pin is gone. He makes eye contact with her - yes, she'll do it.
And still, the pounding on the door. The unrelenting, deafening POUNDING. Something really wants to get in.
The two Marines don't react. They stare at each other. Neither of them move. The pounding continues.
Then, though her grim facial expression doesn't change, a single tear goes down Unnamed Female Space Marine #2's cheek.
Unnamed Space Marine sees his chance. He makes his move.
Kristen Bell as Unnamed Nubile Rescued Citizen
Here is an excerpt that introduces Kristen's character:
INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT - CONTINUING
Unnamed Space Marine draws his hand back. He glares at Unnamed Nubile Rescued Citizen, sees her teeth are still clenched, his blood running down her chin. He looks at his hand - teeth marks, blood. His blood. He's been fighting demons for going on 36 hours straight, and what's his first injury? A bite from some teenage blonde.
Unnamed Space Marine reaches out to her again, tries to grab her hair, turn her around somehow, get her to calm down, but she swipes at his arm. Her eyes are on fire with anger and fear - she's been down here a long time, but how long, exactly?
She's distracted. Unnamed Space Marine knows this is his chance to subdue her, but he doesn't take it. She's staring at the photograph in his vest pocket, the photograph he found in the abandoned colony camp. The photograph of the teenage boy...and the teenage girl. The two of them, some place far away from this hell.
Brad Dourif as Unnamed Evil Rogue Scientist
Here is an excerpt from one of Brad's endless monologues.
INT. CONTROL TOWER 303
We cut back to the Control Tower. Unnamed Evil Rogue Scientist stares at the hundreds of monitors.
UNNAMED EVIL ROGUE SCIENTIST
Ha! (coughs) Damn you... (coughs). Fools. And of course, back
to the subject of it, the meat of it, world domination, you see.
From here? From here, how? They question, without considering,
the sheer brilliance of it. Control, you see. From a distance. To
be able to look, and see, without total immersion in the
environment itself. The beasts! And how it is connected,
oh, your blindness, all of you! To look with the eyes of
faith, of faith! (coughs) God! Oh, God! Why? (coughs)
No matter. Focus. Focus and discipline, that which they
lack, I shall compensate, fill the void, yes. The beasts.
(looks at one monitor in particular) Eh? Where are they?
Offline? Outside the Realm of the Eye? How? No...
(pushes buttons) No... (pushes buttons more frantically)
NO!!! (coughs)
There you have it. Pure gold. As you can see, the film has no dialogue whatsoever, except for Brad Dourif. He delivers a seven-minute monologue of evil every time it cuts to him alone in his evil control tower, then we slam back to the action and the groovy gams.
Come on. You know you'd go see it. Twice. For now, be sure to play DOOM 3 and remember the Alamo.
By Abhilekh Malhotra ( Abbu )
It's difficult to keep track of the on-again, off-again status of the DOOM film, but as far as we can tell, it first came to light in 1997 at Universal. The first few drafts of the script were deemed "horrible" and nothing much happened for the next two years. Then the Columbine tragedy happened, which was quasi-related to the DOOM video game, and the project was scrapped, or rather, doomed to the confines of Development Hell. There it festers - at least until recently.
With Spy Hunter being possibly delayed, a certain wrestler-turned-thespian named Dwayne Johnson, aka The Rock, is eyeing the DOOM project. The Rock would be playing the main character of "Unnamed Space Marine", a rough-and-tumble warrior who must destroy hundreds of demons and monsters and...well, that's pretty much it. The Rock has proven himself to be a so-so box office star, with The Scorpion King, The Rundown and Walking Tall being moderate hits, at least successful enough to inspire Hollywood to keep trying for the perfect vehicle for the charismatic former WWE champion. DOOM just might do the trick, as the game has legions of fans, fans who would be willing to shell out ten bucks to see a movie of their favorite shoot-em-up. And you're damn right it'll be PG-13!
This isn't rocket science. Why no one at Universal has asked us at UGO to help bring this project to light is beyond us. We've got the perfect formula to make this the most successful game-to-film adaptation in the history of everything. They've got the right idea in casting The Rock, but we'd like to expand the cast a bit. They'd all have to work for scale, of course, because we'd want to keep the budget below $40 million while still guaranteeing the best creature effects that money can buy. Here is the cast of the perfect DOOM movie, and we'll sure to get this faxed to Development Hell once the demon suits get back from their second lunch.
The Rock as Unnamed Space Marine
Here's an excerpt from The Rock's Oscar moment in the film:
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUING
Unnamed Space Marine continues his tenuous journey down the corridor, the shadow of the fan from the ventilation shaft cast over his sweating face, which is peppered with spots of blood from the slain Demon #463. Frustrated at the sudden silence and lack of action, he empties his entire machine gun into the empty corridor, his mouth open in a silent scream. Why? Why are the monsters torturing him? Why don't they show their hideous faces? Why? Should he just...give up?
Give up, or press on?
Oh he will press on. You betcha.
Ashley Scott as Unnamed Female Space Marine #1
Here is an excerpt from Ashley's character introduction:
INT. VENTILATION SHAFT - CONTINUING
Unnamed Space Marine crouches in the ventilation shaft, his almost-empty .45 pistol aimed directly in front of him. His eyes are wide in disbelief, questioning the sight before him. He's been stricken with visions of unrelenting ugliness for hours - or perhaps days? - and cannot believe he's been offered such beauty to behold.
But it is true. About 15 yards in front of him, crouched in the same position, aiming her own almost-empty .45 pistol at him, her beautiful eyes staring in utter disbelief as well, her shirt perfectly torn to reveal her bare shoulder and midriff, sweat running down her angel face, is UNNAMED FEMALE SPACE MARINE #1.
Neither of them move. Is it time for a Mexican Standoff...or a time for love?
Keira Knightley as Unnamed Female Space Marine #2
Here is an excerpt featuring a rather intense moment between Keira and The Rock:
INT. CONTROL ROOM #9 - CONTINUING
Unnamed Female Space Marine #2 holds the grenade in her hand. She glares at Unnamed Space Marine, daring him to come closer, to even think about coming closer. He glances at the weapon in her hand - yes, the pin is gone. He makes eye contact with her - yes, she'll do it.
And still, the pounding on the door. The unrelenting, deafening POUNDING. Something really wants to get in.
The two Marines don't react. They stare at each other. Neither of them move. The pounding continues.
Then, though her grim facial expression doesn't change, a single tear goes down Unnamed Female Space Marine #2's cheek.
Unnamed Space Marine sees his chance. He makes his move.
Kristen Bell as Unnamed Nubile Rescued Citizen
Here is an excerpt that introduces Kristen's character:
INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT - CONTINUING
Unnamed Space Marine draws his hand back. He glares at Unnamed Nubile Rescued Citizen, sees her teeth are still clenched, his blood running down her chin. He looks at his hand - teeth marks, blood. His blood. He's been fighting demons for going on 36 hours straight, and what's his first injury? A bite from some teenage blonde.
Unnamed Space Marine reaches out to her again, tries to grab her hair, turn her around somehow, get her to calm down, but she swipes at his arm. Her eyes are on fire with anger and fear - she's been down here a long time, but how long, exactly?
She's distracted. Unnamed Space Marine knows this is his chance to subdue her, but he doesn't take it. She's staring at the photograph in his vest pocket, the photograph he found in the abandoned colony camp. The photograph of the teenage boy...and the teenage girl. The two of them, some place far away from this hell.
Brad Dourif as Unnamed Evil Rogue Scientist
Here is an excerpt from one of Brad's endless monologues.
INT. CONTROL TOWER 303
We cut back to the Control Tower. Unnamed Evil Rogue Scientist stares at the hundreds of monitors.
UNNAMED EVIL ROGUE SCIENTIST
Ha! (coughs) Damn you... (coughs). Fools. And of course, back
to the subject of it, the meat of it, world domination, you see.
From here? From here, how? They question, without considering,
the sheer brilliance of it. Control, you see. From a distance. To
be able to look, and see, without total immersion in the
environment itself. The beasts! And how it is connected,
oh, your blindness, all of you! To look with the eyes of
faith, of faith! (coughs) God! Oh, God! Why? (coughs)
No matter. Focus. Focus and discipline, that which they
lack, I shall compensate, fill the void, yes. The beasts.
(looks at one monitor in particular) Eh? Where are they?
Offline? Outside the Realm of the Eye? How? No...
(pushes buttons) No... (pushes buttons more frantically)
NO!!! (coughs)
There you have it. Pure gold. As you can see, the film has no dialogue whatsoever, except for Brad Dourif. He delivers a seven-minute monologue of evil every time it cuts to him alone in his evil control tower, then we slam back to the action and the groovy gams.
Come on. You know you'd go see it. Twice. For now, be sure to play DOOM 3 and remember the Alamo.
By Abhilekh Malhotra ( Abbu )
