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X things I hate about the iPhone X

BooMan does his thing and tells you what he hates about the upcoming iPhone X

It’s not normal for me to hate on a device I’ve never even held in my hand, or even seen in person, for that matter. I always thought I would never succumb to gut instincts and do this, but there’s a first time for everything, I guess. So, without further ado, here are X things I hate about the iPhone X.

I. Notice how idiotic it looks to use “X things I hate about…”? There’s a reason for that Apple…you don’t just throw Roman numerals into things randomly. We’d expect hate mail if our cover story this month was “L+ ways to have fun with tech”. See? Stupid.

II. I expect iPhones to be sexy, and to be clear, by sexy I mean hot women in bikinis with perfect bodies. Or hot men in swim trunks… I don’t want to assume your gender or sexuality, lest I get attacked by feminazis. The iPhone X looks like a hot woman in a bikini, but one that has an eyepatch and big rabbit ears, all thanks to that stupid notch! Fear not Android lovers, you too can get the ugly notch from here – the screen will probably be good though, because it’s most probably made by Samsung.

III. No matter what they tell you, the Face Recognition demo failed on the first try at the launch event. And snooping spouses everywhere are rubbing their hands in glee, hoping that they will now have access to their partner’s phone by unlocking it by holding it up to their sleeping partner’s face! I just hate the idea of holding the stupid phone up to my face, but then again, I’m used to using a pin code now that Samsung also screwed up the placement of their fingerprint sensor.

IV. That swipe up to unlock, swipe up to multitask, etc., was all “inspired” by BB OS 10, and it pissed me off to hear Apple claim it as their own. You’d think I’d be used to that by now, based on how often it happens…

V. Wireless charging isn’t new. Honestly, lazy people have been using wirelessly charged toothbrushes since the 1990s. If we stick to phones, Nokia did it in 2012. You’d think a company introducing a technology that’s five years old to the most expensive phone would do it quietly…

VI. While we’re on price… the Indian price of the iPhone X is going to be ludicrous. But then so many know that and will buy it anyway! Let’s just call it the iPhone Xpensive, or the iPhone Xclusive.

VII. The new iPhones, including the X will feature quick charging (about time), but it will not be supported out of the box. Of course, Apple might decide to change this when it ships, but seeing how they love making you spend on accessories… I doubt it. As it stands, you’re going to have to cough out more to get a higher wattage charger than the 5 W one iPhones usually ship with.

VIII. IP67 water resistance vs Samsung’s IP68 is not such a big deal. It means that Android devices are a little more secure in terms of waterproofing, but for the price, wouldn’t an Apple buyer just expect the best?

IX. I already hate emojis and text speak. All Apple are going to do with their Animoji gimmick is dumb conversations down even further… or maybe not, given the target audience… I will be doing some Turd Animoji videos when I get my hands on the X, so watch out for those.

X. My last whinge about it is the lack of options. There seem to be no new colours, and certainly no iPhone X only colours, and then the 64/256 GB choice isn’t really a choice anymore, which means you either buy a base model or cough up over $200 for the extra 192 GB of storage that probably costs them no more than $40 or $50.

Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty about the iPhone X that also excites me, and ARKit and iOS 11 seem to finally be a step in the right direction. Heck, just getting rid of that stupid home button makes me like it more than older iPhones… but all of that doesn’t do away with the list of X things above now, does it?

Boo Man

Boo Man

I hate everything. Including this author description.